
Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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I am in a commonlaw relationship with a guy who has a 14 year old son. I have been the primary care giver for the past three years. I am starting to get the 'rebellion' from my step son. He seems to be more and more moody, I think that is normal. It seems that everytime responsibilities or schoolwork is brought up he acts like it isnt his to deal with. He gives tude and starts slamming and banging and acting like he has been wronged. I want him to express himself but all he 'shows' is anger when you talk with him about things he cares to avoid. He gets very vicious emotionally and starts to roll his eyes and his face gets the look of 'who the f** are you to talk to me'. His father seems to like the approach of lets just watch tv and not deal with any of it. When failed grades come back or my step son gets in trouble for not accomplishing his responsibilities at school he blames us. I have had the "i dont like your behavior" talk so many times that I am sick of it. I am really trying hard not to be angry or to give up (as many others have on him). I am at a loss. Consequences make no difference neither do rewards. I am not angry with him just his behavior and I am not sure how to stop getting sooooo upset. I know my step son well enough to kno he is just challenging the rules and I am just as frustraed with my hubby for not stepping up. I feel Lost. any words? really lol anything would help at this point?Thanks for just reading my post...or letting me write it...:)
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Hope this helps.
I also had a stepmother as a teen and my dad did the parenting (rules, expectations, enforcement, consequences) while she acted as his support. I think that this arrangement helped us to forge a positive relationship with her that has lasted decades.
If you can afford it, go to marriage counseling/family counseling so that he can figure out how to parent with you.
Good Luck!!!!
My partner has every bit as much authority as I do w/my sons - I want my kids to see her as a nother parent. We try to stay on the same page w/each other.
Sometimes my partner feels like I take over and don't share parental authority w/her - like i have the final "say," and when that or other issues like if we disagree about how to enforce a certain issue comes up, I like to talk about it privately so the kids see less division. I DO have to be careful that I don't give double essages to both my partner and the boys.
To give them male role models, all of the boys' teachers at school know of our family dynamics and they are so supportive of us and our parenting style. They stay on my boys and give them the leadership and attention they needs from a "guy."
Age 14 was our worst year for the oldest (now 15) - he challenged nearly everything we did or said w/him. Testing his wings, I guess. Wantng to be treated like a "man," but acting like a 5'6" toddler! And w/no man in the house, he tried to take that role over for himself. My comment; "there may be no dad in this family, so here's the rule; I'm the dad. You got a problem w/that, deal w/it. This family has 2 parents, and you aren't one of them. Period."
Couple's counseling and family counseling would be excellent options if you can afford them somehow.
And dad really does need to step up to the plate.
don't know if any of this helps, but I hope you can bring dad to the table in a responsible way, and not leave you to be the Bad guy while he comes off looking like the good guy to his son. Not cool!!!
Namaste,
Trish