Hi, not sure this is the best group, so please point me elsewhere if that's the case. My son will be 17 this month and his dad and I are going through a long divorce, 11 months and still counting. We're living in the same house, and there are tensions. I try to keep my distance from stbx to keep the peace, for my son's sake. Our oldest is off at college and comes home occassionally. I know he misses his brother, but won't admit to it. I know the divorce is stressful to my son, and we've spoken about it. I tell him he can always talk to me. When I ask him what his concerns are, he basically just wants to know when the divorce will be final, basically when his dad will move out. I don't have an answer for him, his dad will hang on indefinately if he gets his way. I recently told my son about the custody arrangements which we came up with in November. Anyway, after work tonight I was in his room, in the comfy chair, trying to pysch myself up to go out and run. I have to pass through his room to get to the master bedroom. I looked down and saw something folded up. I picked it up, it was a silicone bong. I approached my son about it, he fessed up the whats, whys, where's of his use. Also vaping, with nicotine. He went the 9 yards and fessed up to trying vodka but said he spit it out because it was gross.
I haven't had any of these issues with his older brother, he's as straight an arrow as they come, so I'm at a loss. I've decided that my son has to speak to a therapist, he had the option when I first told him about the divorce, but declined. He needs someone other than a 17 year old friend with divorced parents to vent to. I told him that I wanted to see his eBay account, which he set up a few months ago. Yup, vaping and bong supplies. Told him I needed unfettered access to his phone and accounts. He agreed, although I don't really want to see his phone. His bank accounts, yes. Everything was calm. He did cry a bit when I mentioned how addictions run in both his dad and my family, and he said he has thought of that. He said he doesn't think pot will be a gateway drug to worse things for him, because he is being smart about his usage. Sure! He did say that he doesn't go to parties because so much worse stuff is being done and he doesn't want to be around that stuff. That is true. I called his best friend's mom, to let her know I know what's been happening when my son sleeps over there. She confirmed that at the start of this school year is when she thought things were starting for her son. My son says he uses the bong once or twice a week, either by himself or with his best friend.
Any advice? I don't want to impose ridiculous restrictions on my son, as I know if a kid wants drugs they will get them. I want my son to understand the dangers of pot and nicotine. There are plenty of examples in both my and his dad's family of alcohol abuse, nicotine addictions complete with permanent oxygen use, and even a cousin who OD's on heroine. Teens think they're invinsible. How else can I help him with this challenge?
Two weeks after my wife of 15 years told me that she was leaving home, she tells me that she has found someone who will help us to fairly divide up our assets and property. I told her that I could not possibly think about something like that so soon, that I was still having trouble just making it through the day in one piece. Two weeks later she brings up the topic again, and this time I had...
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