I'm a single mom of a soon to be 16yr old boy. It's so hard right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to quit drinking as I'm an alcoholic and suffer with depression, I homeschool him cause I had such a difficult time last year getting him to go to school, he flunked everything, wouldn't do the work, begged to be homeschooled but now he just spend most of his time playing computer games, has no real social life or friends, I'm so worried about him. This has got to be unhealthy. Especially when I go and get all fucked up again. I feel so bad and need to get it together. It's hard to be there for him when I'm such a stupid mess. I'm gonna get counceling starting next week and go to AA and do what I can from now on to better things and stay sober, but jeez sometimes I just wanna run away. don't want to be a mom anymore right now. It's so hard. He has alot of anger and disrespect towards me cusses at me all the time, doesn't listen. Why should he right? I haven't given him any real security or stability or anything to trust or respect. I feel like I've just screwed up his life and he's gonna become a recluse or something. don't want him to fall into a depression like I did at his age, it was horrible. Want to get him counceling to but when I mention it he says no, can't force him can I? Maybe just getting my shit together right now will help him to be happier, once he sees that it's for real this time. so many broken promises, so many times he's had to deal with my drunk ass. I'm so ashamed and feel so guilty. I'm so sorry. I feel like a teenager that never grew up. It's so hard to take care of him and make him happy right now. It scares me, I feel overwhelmed, like I just wanna die. I'm so sick of screwing things up and not being the mom that I've should be or could be. Will he be ok? will he grow up and have friends? Get a job etc.? This is no way to live, we don't really do anything, or go anywhere or have many friends, we don't live really. Just sit around all day. It needs to change. I think he's addicted to the computer games, but how can I take him away from it completely? It's his escape right now and all he's got to do or to socialize with other online. If he couldn't play then he'd probably just sit and watch tv. I need to get out and get a job and get a life and more friends, then maybe he will be better for it right? I'm just lost right now. I was getting better and then I go on another binge. It's such a hopeless feeling. He treats me more like his dumb sister, than a mother. I feel like he'd be better off in foster care, or with someone else, then maybe he'd have some stability and structure. I'm such a horrible mom for getting drunk again. I really want to make things better. I want him to be happy and healthy.
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I'm Markus! I Have P. T. S D., Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, & Anxiety! In Other Words, I've Got ISSUES! Anyway, I Wish You All A Great Evenin'!