
Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I need help in standing my ground with my daughter

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This is my first time on this website, and I have never done anything like this before. I am having problems with my oldest daughter who is 16 1/2 years old. She is a wonderful child, does well in school, treats adult & her teachers with respect, but is very very angry with me when I say no, or if I just "piss her off". Most of my problems started after I bought her a car which she has no respect for as she does not contribute any money towards the vehicle, have it be insurance, gas, car payment, etc. She had a job when I get her the car, but has quit for a few months now, and is barely making an effort to look for employmeny, only occasionally doing on line job applications. She has very princeless like job criteria, like she will not work in a store that smells, she will not stand for long periods of time, she does not want to be a bagger at a grocery store, and she is limiting herself to where she can find acceptable work. We fight constantly about her lack of work and the fact that she continues to drive her friends around never asking any of them for gas money. I am the idiot who keeps giving her money for the car even though I keep saying I am done. I do not follow through with my actions, and she knows this, and continues to treat me with disrecpect, anger & a lot of swearing. Her father was a verbally abusive man when we were married, and she heard that from him which is why she tells me I do not have a good job, I am stupid, I never have any money, blah blah. After consulting a family therapist today I was told the only way I can get her to respect me is to lay down some ground rules and not cave in to her demands. This is where I need all the help I can get as I know I will be subjected to even more anger initially as I lay down that law so to speak. Anyone else out there experiencing the same problems or have any advice?
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Welcome to daily strength! I agree w/your family therapist. Setting ground rules is hard at the beginning, but pays off in the long run. Perhaps you could decide something like giving your daughter a full tank of gas each Monday, for her week. If she wants any more gas for the week, she has to pay for it herself. If she runs out of gas, and has no money, tough, she just has to wait til Monday when you fill it up again. This will likely upset her, but also it will likely make her want to get a job. This is just an example. We have a 15 1/2 year old son who struggles with responsibility too, so we know it is not at all easy. Best of luck to you and God bless!
We have to remember that our job as parents are to teach our children right from wrong, give them a roof over their head and put food on the table. Our job does not require us to give them cars, gifts and the run of the house.
Children and Teens do not need another friend, they need a parent. There might be a period of time where they don't necessarily like us but eventually they will respect us (if we do our jobs correctly).
Why don't you try starting slowly, on smaller issues and eventually, you'll get the courage and motivation to put your foot down on more hefty issues. Good Luck!