Hi,
Welcome to daily strength! I agree w/your family therapist. Setting ground rules is hard at the beginning, but pays off in the long run. Perhaps you could decide something like giving your daughter a full tank of gas each Monday, for her week. If she wants any more gas for the week, she has to pay for it herself. If she runs out of gas, and has no money, tough, she just has to wait til Monday when you fill it up again. This will likely upset her, but also it will likely make her want to get a job. This is just an example. We have a 15 1/2 year old son who struggles with responsibility too, so we know it is not at all easy. Best of luck to you and God bless!

The hardest part of parenting for me is to Not Cave. You might as well call me the Cave Woman. It's a weakness that I am aware of and I'm trying to work on it. And I have to say, I'm getting better and the more that I hold my guns, the more I see improvment. This is true with my older son (who is 20 but going on 15) and my preschoolers.

We have to remember that our job as parents are to teach our children right from wrong, give them a roof over their head and put food on the table. Our job does not require us to give them cars, gifts and the run of the house.

Children and Teens do not need another friend, they need a parent. There might be a period of time where they don't necessarily like us but eventually they will respect us (if we do our jobs correctly).

Why don't you try starting slowly, on smaller issues and eventually, you'll get the courage and motivation to put your foot down on more hefty issues. Good Luck!

i agree, but I too sometimes cave in. My 17 year old is the same way with responsibilties..I caught her yesterday under the influence and shes grounded for a month... She is trying so hard to make a deal.. And that deal is to test once a week and she promises she wont mess up..Her Junior Prom is next friday.. I spent a lot of money on the dress/alterations and the tickets...do I let her go as an additional punishement.. by the way I drug tested her, she came up positive for thc and BZO (downs) Shes trying to negioate the grounding..

Why are you letting this CHILD dictate what she will and won't do? She should not have that kind of control. Take the car back and park it. Tell her when she gets a job and keeps it for a month or so, you will let her have the car once she starts contributing to its upkeep. I would let her use to get back and forth to work and that's it. She is old enough to understand responsibility and consequences. You are not doing her any favors doing it all for her. I know, my parents did everything for me and when I moved out I did not have a clue. I got into financial trouble immediately. My parents did not do me any favors.

I totally agree with seminolemom07! Why do we think are children are entitled to so much! She needs to be working, the insurance should be her responsibility as well as gas, or there is no car. Lets say you lost your income, would you have the privilege to be picky about how you paid the bills? No! This is real life lessons she needs to learn. If she doesn't learn this lessons now, you will have a 30 year old coming back to live with you because she has never learned responsibility. Keep talking to the counselor if you need to. Stay strong, do not approach it as a punishment. This is about you wanting her to learn to take on her own life and become an adult.

ok i may only be a teen my self but i know what works, if you let her walk all over you she will continue to do so for as long as live, she will never be happy with you do or give her, unless it is what she wants and yes you do have to lay down the law don't give in to her demands, take the car keys off of her and tell her that she will not get them back until she can start being responsible, driving a car is a big responsibility, and if she dosn't want the responsibilities that go with it then bad luck, you are her mother not a bit of dirt on her shoe! no one deserves to be treated like that, start confscating her things, ie. cell phone, car, allowences etc. and as for her not having a job, tell her that she has to wake up no one is going to support her for the rest of her life, she is not royalty so tell her to stop acting like she is. everyone has to start from the bottem why should she be any different? i was never given a car or money, i had to pay my mother to live with her and i have to pay for fuel, insurance, car payments, support my bf, and i have a baby on the way, she obviously dosn't know how good she has it, if she continues to be disrespectful towards you, expespecialy if it is in front of her friends, than embarrous her. also about the car why don't you start driving it around, and if she bitches about it then say that when she starts paying for it then she can dictate who can or can not drive it. you need to put her in her place as the child, i am telling you the same thing that i tell my bf's parents, as he treats them the same way, they gave him a car paid in full, they are going to buy him a house and he still treats them like crap, but i fyou knoew what they did you would too, but there is no reason for disrespect! she is the child, and you are the adult, you are not the bank, nore are you her personal slave, if she wants something make her work for it, as for her telling you that you are stupid etc. tell her that her behaviour will not be tollirrated, tell her if she wants to be treated like an adult then she better start acting like one! tell her to grow up, she is not a child anymore, she is almost 17 it will not be that long of a wait until she has to fend for herself in the real world and that is a big nasty place and no one is going to be there to serve her everything on a plater. i would stand up and tell her straight! sorry if it sounded harsh, but it dose work trust me!!!

Well said Nikki...that's real refreshing coming from a teenager. You know how get your point across very well. Your parents must have taught you something right:) Be proud of yourself girl!!!