Just to clarify; sh'e not a young kid, she's 19. Don't know if I'm right, but it seems that it's too late for her to ever change and see that she should have some measure of respect for other people, and stop emotionally balckmailing her bio parents as well as many other traits.

wow, hope you feel better after venting.
Your right about the fact that its the fathers fault for spoiling her, he may have been over compensating for a failed marriage, or death of his first wife...Also its easier for him to give in than listen to her whine and complain.
Hope you can stick it out til she leaves. 19 tho I was out of the house at 18 ;)
Anyways I wish you well and keep your chin up.
Morgaine

What stands out in my mind is that if you had to leave your husband you would blame her and not him. He also is an adult, and as such is the one to blame. The daughter is ONLY doing what he has allowed her, her whole life.
So if you do leave him, it's HIS fault for not doing what he needs to do to nurture your relationship with him.

You're right Jody0385, thank you. Hope it doesn't come to that. Just trying to ignore her and play dumb.

I broke off an engagement to a guy whose daughter threw a baseball bat at me. He didn't get it. All I can say since you are already married to him is hate the behavior and not the kid. Try to get into family counseling because even though she is 19 this won't go away when she leaves home. If family couneling isn't possible try individual counseling so you can get the support you need. My kids have a step mom and I always tell them to respect her and love her. She has been good to my kids and loved them and I appreciate her for that.

That's good advice, jlkrjl, thanks so much!

You're welcome, iw :-) One of my good friends is a step mom, too and I know it is a thankless job (relationship)? Keep your chin up ;-)

Wow. Those are some very strong feelings. I have a blended family and I came from a blended family and I know how hard it can be sometimes. My husband and my 20 year old son do not have a great relationship... it's tolerable but certainly not a love-fest. And while I know my son is hurting from the lack of a true "father-son" relationship... which is another story, I'm the one stuck in the middle. I love them both dearly but at the end of the day, it's my son who matters the most to me. And I think that's the case with most people. Not all. But as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. And while I have another son with my husband, he still can't understand why I do what I do for my son and why I stand up for him like I do. It's just that way.

But enough about me... I would recommend that you ALL go to family counseling. It sounds like you all really need to listen and vent. And perhaps there are more underlying issues that need to be addressed with your step-daughter.

I really hope that you can somehow make it work for all of you.

Also, we have two other communities that you might want to check out:
**stepfamilies
**step parenting

Good Luck!

well my stepson was the reason for my breakup and pending divorce from his mother.

So I know how you feel!

Thanks HelloC... I can't believe I didn't look for that community before! I'm so glad for all your replies because I've been thinking I was alone and therefore a complete b*tch for feeling this way

good for you !

Your have every right to disipline her too! My daughter has a step Dad and has for the last 2 odd years and he is always telling her off she ignores him but i support him and tell her to have respect. I think my boyfriend doesn't like my son though. My boyfriend is from the west indies and kids don't answer back there luckilly enough he doesn't live with me he lives with his Dad but he is rude(takes after me) I can handle him though. I also think Durret doesn't like my son Josiah because when Durrent is offensively rude to me in front of my son my son cusses him out and we gang up on him until i think my boyfriend has suffered enough then i say thats enogh Josiah. When i read your entry i knew straight away she was a horible brat. Maybe tell your partner how much is distroying her by spoiling her so much. Or just walk out of the room when he used her against you or stay quiet or laugh either aloud or in your head.

Better you than me!

Not all parents THINK their children can do no wrong..i know my kids are human and that thwy will screw up. And i admit that but i do correct them when they do. In my opinion the parents that think their kids do no wrong are the ones that get ran over by their kids when they get older.

I hear that!