Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
Hi, I feel so helpless n responsible at the same time. My daughter is now 18 and thinks she doesn't not need family or anyone anymore. Throughout her school, she has scored A's, has been in honors / advanced classes and even did the dual enrolment while she was senior i.e., went to college while still in high school. She had a 3.6 GPA, had a government grant to go to college.
Because she was doing so well inschool, my husband and I gave her my old car so she could get to college, etc. However, since the past few years, she has started lying a lot to us blatantly too. After she graduated high school, we enrolled her full time in college. Of course we paid for the remaining college fees, after the grant, her books and also her car/health insurance based on the fact that she was a full time student. She also started working part time.
But since the past 6 months, she does not come home each night, does not call, and does not go to school. She said she wanted to move out cos we nagged her all the time. I tried to explain to her that we would have to cancel her insurance if she did not go to school, which in turn would mean she could not work. After what I thought was a meaningful chat, she said she defnitely wanted to stay in college and we decided to give her the car for 500 dollars and she would pay her own insurance, etc.
So for the past month she has been paying us a little every week. She had paid us a total of 185 dollars. However, she was still not going to college. So finally, this morning I woke her up and told her to go ahead and give her work 2 weeks notice as I was gonna cancel the car insurance so she would not be able to use the car. When I returned from work I found she had been in my drawer and taken the 185 dollars she'd paid me towards the car, and removed some of her stuff from her room. I called her and she came home within the hour and told me she was leaving. She returned the car keys and said a friend was picking her up. Now she has gone with her stuff in two garbage bags.... I don't know where she is, or anything... My husband says I should let her go and not call her or anything...But I just can't do that...I am really worried about her.... should I call her? Should I try to bring her back home? Or should I just wait till she calls me? It just breaks my heart knowing she is throwing her chance at a good education which we were willing to pay for.
Because she was doing so well inschool, my husband and I gave her my old car so she could get to college, etc. However, since the past few years, she has started lying a lot to us blatantly too. After she graduated high school, we enrolled her full time in college. Of course we paid for the remaining college fees, after the grant, her books and also her car/health insurance based on the fact that she was a full time student. She also started working part time.
But since the past 6 months, she does not come home each night, does not call, and does not go to school. She said she wanted to move out cos we nagged her all the time. I tried to explain to her that we would have to cancel her insurance if she did not go to school, which in turn would mean she could not work. After what I thought was a meaningful chat, she said she defnitely wanted to stay in college and we decided to give her the car for 500 dollars and she would pay her own insurance, etc.
So for the past month she has been paying us a little every week. She had paid us a total of 185 dollars. However, she was still not going to college. So finally, this morning I woke her up and told her to go ahead and give her work 2 weeks notice as I was gonna cancel the car insurance so she would not be able to use the car. When I returned from work I found she had been in my drawer and taken the 185 dollars she'd paid me towards the car, and removed some of her stuff from her room. I called her and she came home within the hour and told me she was leaving. She returned the car keys and said a friend was picking her up. Now she has gone with her stuff in two garbage bags.... I don't know where she is, or anything... My husband says I should let her go and not call her or anything...But I just can't do that...I am really worried about her.... should I call her? Should I try to bring her back home? Or should I just wait till she calls me? It just breaks my heart knowing she is throwing her chance at a good education which we were willing to pay for.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Given she's 18, it makes it harder. I can see why your husband says to just let her go. Sometimes tough love brings kids back. But I also know why you want to not close that door on her. My first question would be to ask what is different in her life before vs after she change.
Given her grades and such in HS, she may just be burned out and/or never had the opportunity to act out -- so here is your delayed adolescence. Some lessons they just have to learn on their own.
I hope she is safe, keep the lines of communication open, let her see what she can do on her own. Good Luck!!
Hugz
Morgaine