To answer your question of how far is too far, that is a question only you and your X can answer. It does sound like your son doesn't have any drive or ambition, but have you tried talking to him about getting a job or going to school? I don't have any children that are 19, my oldest is 18 and is going to college. Our kids have been told that when they graduate from high school, they will have to either go to school full-time, or get a full-time job if they want to stay at home. You should set some expectations, rules, and consequences if he does not follow the rules. If you don't set up any rules, and he is allowed to sleep all day and do what he wants the rest of the time, you are only enabling him to be totally dependent on you for everything. I hope that you can find something that will motivate him.

I think he needs some responsibilities. Maybe have him move in with u and charge him rent. Make him get job. Or he could join the military and learn some skills, and the big "R" word. I was 19 not to long ago,and I had bills and a job and had to learn responsibility.
Sorry he needs some tough love other wise. Those are my best suggestions.
Morgaine

I want to thank you for your advice, but I guess I need to tell more to the story. He did graduate from high school. He did Have a job. He was talked to about going to school. The military, I dont like because of the war and seeing him in a body bag. He did go out on his own because of the consequences at home of responsibilities. In just a few months he had quit his job, living with unsuitables, moving into an apartment that was unlivable for even people in jail. We gave him no money or help. He did have a car that we gave to him for qraduation. After being woke up at three in the morning because his car was seen at a shop lifting incident and seeing him handcuffed and watching the video of the act. I have been there done the tough love to a certain extent that it hurts so much that I just want to keep him safe anyway I can. This is why he is back at home. You will understand someday when someone that you love so much just was in the self destruction mode and when you are just sitting there watching the destruction. He is doing better now. He is not abusive or demanding of us. His car sits on two flats at the moment because he knows he needs a job. We do not give him running around money. He is content with this. I know all the advice that people are giving and I thank you, but I need further advice beyond the normal. I do not want to push him into stealing again or possibly other criminal activity just because I dont like him sitting at home. Sitting at home is only a minor inconvenence to the others that I have seen.

I have been through watching someone I love self-destruct, but the self-destruction was by choice, it was not necessary; however, the person who did it did not want the responsibilities of everyday life. This was my ex-husband, while we were still married. I did not step in and save him from it because he chose where he wanted to take his life, and I went in a different direction. You are absolutely right that the pain of watching that happen is almost unbearable, but that leaves you with watching him every minute of every day, almost like when he was a baby and couldn't do anything for himself. The choice is obviously yours, and I'm sorry that our suggestions aren't what you were looking for. I wish you and your son the best.

Please dont take me the wrong way. I am on here for support and advice. I do want to THANK all of you that have taken the time to respond and I value your interest in my families life. I am just frustrated and my have expressed in the last reply harshless. I am interested in what works and if it is just in the way I proceed with an old remedy, I will try anything at this point.

I'm sorry if my last response was somewhat harsh, I did not mean it to be so. I just wanted you to know that I understand your pain, and it is frustrating for me not to be able to help. I will keep you in my prayers, and hope that you find an answer or a direction in which to go.