Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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How do you Motivate your teen?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My 19 year old (20 in a few weeks), seems to be lacking in the motivation department! He\'s never been an over-achiever -- he\'s always been the type to just squeek by. He started college last year and then told me he was stressed out and really wanted to take a break. I allowed him to do this under a few circumstances. He was to pay rent (no school - no free room and board), he couldn\'t hang around all day doing nothing and he needed to let me know where he\'s at, at all times... he\'s been paying his rent just fine, he gets a lot of modeling and acting work so he can pay what I have asked of him. However, this isn\'t something he wants to do long term, nor does it drive him. He does it because it\'s easy money.

He just can\'t decide what he wants to be when he \"grows up.\" I have tried and tried to give him suggestions and encourgement. But he still can not find the motivation to go out work hard, pay his dues and find something he loves. I have given him deadlines, rules, regulations... you name it! And then he tells me that he doesn\'t want to be pressured into a career that he\'s not going to like.... blah, blah, blah. I know I\'ve been easy on him but I really want him to find his passion. He\'s an amazing skateboarder, musician and artist but he has not found a way to make any of those talents work for him yet. He\'s a good kid, he\'s got a big heart... seems like he just needs a little visit to the Wizard for his missing motivation!

It\'s driving me nuts! And I\'m at the end of my ropes. Any suggestions?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Many times kids like what you have described in your child means they are more than average. Lets face it for someone to squeak by in school means that they did the least amount of work possible but it requires intelligence to do little and still pass. Often kids like this are very intelligent and talented.

Think back for a second. If there was a point in your life that you could go back to and change what would it be? For many of us it would be the profession in life we either chose or that chose us.

You may have already tried this but attempt to push his dreams or desires of what he enjoys. Besides who likes a job that they really hate? If he can find something that he loves and work towards it in a profession he could be very successful. Often the most successful people in this world are those that can combine their passion and love with their jobs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The more you rag on him, the less he will be inclined to do. It has to be HIS idea. He has to want to do it for himself.

I think you are at a difficult point. You\'ve raised him and now it is up to him to do the right thing for himself. He\'s going to make mistakes and will likely do everything you have warned him about... it is inevitable.

Love him. Trust him to do what he needs to do. Tell him that. Listen to him and let go. Allow him to be his own person, whether he is doing what you \"think\" he should do or not.

You will always be his parent. Love him, listen to him, support him in his adult decisions regardless of whether you agree. The sooner you let go, the quicker he\'ll come back to you, trust me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
When my step son came home at 20 after quiting school he found a job and paid rent. It was not the same as being on his own. I told him he needed to get an apartment and start a household so he could experince life to its fullest. I told him if it did not work out or he just could not make it he would always be welcome to come back. He left and picked up on the task quickly. He is now married and stops in fequently. He came to me just like on the commercial. "remember when you fought with me over this and that. Thanks. He told me persuading him to leave was the best thing I did for him. He said it forced him to get serious about life and he realized what all the nagging we did was for as he became responsible for himself. I don't know if this is right for all young adults but it was for him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I didn't read all the replies, but I have noticed, this generation of kids are spoiled, they don't understand that college is an oppurtunity, to them its just another step in life they have to take. Remember each generation is expected to do more then the last generation. Praise alot, keep positive, believe, you are your kids first and best teacher..
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