Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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Children's Health & Parenting
/ Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

Anger Management/Behavioural Therapy

deleted_user
deleted_user
My 13 y/o son has been having anger management from his school and although I know its a good thing and very much needed, Ive found that it seems to be working the opposite way to what its supposed to. I was called into school again as he had been excluded yet again and theyve said theyre going to arrange Behavioural Therapy for him, again from school. Hes not a problem at home, I get the usual teenage stuff but nothing out of the ordinary, but at school hes like a demon. Hes disrespectful to the teachers, plays truant, refuses to do work and gets angry and swears at them, thats what hes been excluded for again. He has been given a `time out` card to use,so that if he feels himself getting angry he can have time out of the lesson to calm down instead of getting into trouble,he doesnt use it as if he gets wound up hes confrontational and wont walk away. The schools being great but theyre considering permanent exclusion because hes being disruptive and aggressive. I just wondered if anyone else has had this and if so did the anger management eventually work. Im worried that if hes like this with one lot of councelling is it going to be worse adding behavioural therapy aswell. I honestly dont know what to do for the best. There is definately a problem at school and even the school has said that but they cant get to the bottom of it,they did suggest he could have a condition (I cant remember what its called) that makes them like this with people in authority, that fills me with dread for his later years,if it is that and hes like this now,whats he going to be like in a few years? Sorry for rambling but I dont know what to do. x
deleted_user
deleted_user
I could have been reading my own words there....wow.
I am getting therapy for my son, they are going to come to my home (I think starting next week) 2-3 days a week, and are even going to go to the school....I dont know what the right thing to do is...I would never have behaved this way as a teen! I dont know if it is because they are boys...??
my son also 13, gets to leave the class when he gets upset...but like yours he doesnt and ends up in trouble for his behavior/attitude/language/whtever
please keep me updated...as I will you if things start helping....matter of fact, check back with me in a couple weeks I will let you know how things are going....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ill definately do that and thanks for replying. I keep getting told "boys will be boys" and I accept that,Ive got two girls and theyre so different,hes definately been a learning curve.A steep one at that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take a moment to call the school again and talk with someone who can answer your questions. Ask them to give you some websites to look up additional information. Be sure to ask them what if anything you should be doing at home .....It's best to be on the same page -- and the really excellent therapists will want to help you to partner with them. It is good to let them know that talk therapy has been met with resistance.....it may be that the anger management class is geared to 1) identifying feelings and 2) finding positive ways to deal with them (so this is practical...not just talk). At some point, he is going to need to understand himself well enough to change situations (the situation or his reaction) that are triggers for him....Good Luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
you I would think (and this is just me) that the problem lies at the school. He doesn't act up at home only at school. I would sit down and ask son(even if u already have) and ask him why and see if theres a way to solve it,sometimes all the stuff they do can cause more probs, it did with my nephew and he is a great kid. He graduated this year also. I wish you the best
Hugs
Morgaine
reality
reality
I also would think your son may be getting triggered by something or someone from school. Two years ago my fifteen year old son was acting out in school and I saw it only involved male teachers. I am a single mother so his father's absence was the trigger point. We worked throught it. Teenagers find it very hard to tell us waht is wrong, sometimes they themselves might not even know. I put my son in MArtial Arts and he loves it. They have sparring where they practice their skills on one another and this helps him get some energy and emotions out. Do you think he feels he has to act tough or act in that way? How are the other kids in class? Do they behave in the same manner? Does he feel he receives enough attention from the teachers? I wish you the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
good advice reality....I have to totally agree with you. teens can't always tell us whats wrong, becuz they themselves don't know.
My daughter has taken martial arts also ;)
Hugs
Morgaine
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am wondering if they are suggesting ODD, Oppostional Defiant Disorder. Looking at what you have described, on the surface, it may seem that way...however, what are the circumstances surrounding his outburts at school, I wonder? With my son being bullied last year and the helplessness he felt, and lack of support from the workers/teacher/administration, he ended up starting to bully back this year and that's when i pulled him out of the school program he was in. He was never verbal, or physical before. Only when he felt he had no one deffending him did he take "matters into his own hands"...perhaps that is something to look at.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was like this at school and it was because i was sleeping in the same room as my mum until i begged to go to a special bording school when i was 13. She let me go when i was 14. I was the class clown entertained the whole class made them laugh and jumped around the class a bit. Was a bit violet too but only when violence was used towards me at first. I a would say he sounds frustrated and maybe finds work hard or the teachers don't like him or he just don't like them. That time out card sounds good. Has he been diagnosed with anything like ADHD maybe if he was diagnosed then he could get a one to one helper and this may stop him getting frustrated in class. I can't think of anything else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh within a year of being at bording school i ended up on the responsible list getting double pocket money for good behaviour they used a fineing system if you bunk or are bad against staff of otehr children you get fined and loose your pocket money or freedom to leave school. I am not saying send him to bording school but it worked for me. I have been to college may times have a family, have worked ect He could also become self employed be his own boss.
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