Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
My Husband kicked my stepson out in October because he left a threatening note to us. I told him before he was ever going to be allowed back in our home that he had to apologize to me for lieing to me and about me and stealing from me. And we had to set down and talk where the boy would be given chores to do on a daily or weekly basis. This boy refuses to go to school having probably a 9th grade education. Well, in the end of January first of February my husband let him come back, he had neither apologized to me or had we sit down and talked.
Here are some of the things the boys does. Because of remodeling he has to sleep on the sofa, I give him sheets and blankets to put on. For a long time he refused to put them on and I had to wash my sofa cover almost on a daily basis. He never does anything to help his dad who had a heart attach on February 9 and will be having triple bypass surgery on May 8. This boy comes and goes as he pleases. He won't find a job and he won't go to school. My husband says that I am suppose to lighten up.
I actually feel that I am being betrayed by my husband because he is letting all of this happen and won't put his foot down.
The son is worried if something happens to dad what will happen to me. He isn't worried what is going to happen to my dad. The boy also feels that his dad owes him a living.
What do I do?
Here are some of the things the boys does. Because of remodeling he has to sleep on the sofa, I give him sheets and blankets to put on. For a long time he refused to put them on and I had to wash my sofa cover almost on a daily basis. He never does anything to help his dad who had a heart attach on February 9 and will be having triple bypass surgery on May 8. This boy comes and goes as he pleases. He won't find a job and he won't go to school. My husband says that I am suppose to lighten up.
I actually feel that I am being betrayed by my husband because he is letting all of this happen and won't put his foot down.
The son is worried if something happens to dad what will happen to me. He isn't worried what is going to happen to my dad. The boy also feels that his dad owes him a living.
What do I do?
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I don't know about the laws where you live, but here in Canada, at 18 you are considered a young adult. You have no obligation to put a roof over this young man's head. I know he is your son and that you love him, but you are not doing him any favours by continually allowing him to disrespect your boundries. In light of your husband's heart attack and his subsequent surgery, I would really look hard at what this young man is doing to your family.
It sounds like your son is turning your home into a war zone and you and your husband are not seeing eye to eye because of it. If your husband will not see things for what they are, would he be amenable to counselling for the both of you so that he can listen to reason from both you and someone else? Maybe counselling would help your husband to let go - maybe there are issues as to why he can't.
You may also wish to discuss the situation at home with your husband's doctor. Perhaps, if the doctor feels that the stress of the situation is effecting your husband, it might further convince him to take action as far as your son is concerned.
I wish you and your husband luck and may his surgery on the 8th go well.
First of all I want to say I'm sorry that your Husband seems to stick up for his son and not follow through with the agreement you made. I know this frustration first hand! Secondly, I want to suggest that you look into Job Corps for him. If your not familiar with it, it is a place his son could go and earn his GED, live free room and board and learn a trade that could help him pursue a future? Just a thought!! Hope it goes more smoothly for you in your future!