I appreciate this post. Since my daughter was born she has never fit the mold--colicky, walking at 9 months, a screamer, never wanted to sleep. But she is a shining star too. I've stopped feeling inadequate when I'm with my friends who have much more compliant children because I know I have a "highly spirited child." ( http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288/sr=8-1/qid=1168818240/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-7919624-9124119?ie=UTF8&s=books )
I really am glad I read that book, even if it is a bit outdated and doesn't give much advice on how to work with these children. I know I am not alone and that when people tell me that I am just not being hard enough, they are the ones who are misguided. I really like Alfi Kohn's philosphies of child rearing, but I don't always manage to live up to them. And I think that is it. It seems like a competition at times, so I withdrew. There's another good book--"Perfect Madness" which talks about this generation of women and their tendancy to really think it can all be done seamlessly. I don't think it can. And I don't believe that a little complaining, venting, saying, "Hey, this is hard work and I need some help." is a bad thing. Unfortunately, I think in our very disconnected society, we often go unheard or ignored. So, whether parenting is an Olympic sport...Well, I'm sure PTA give medals for parent of the year, but it's really nothing you can train for or nothing you get to stand on a podium and smile holding a loving cup. It's in the small moments.
My favorite quote on challenging children:
"People with great passions, people who accomplish great deeds,
People who possess strong feelings, even people with great minds and a strong personality, rarely come out of good little boys and girls."
L.S. Vygotsky

I have a very high spirited preschooler as well. I have a 12 yr old that was completely easy and trainable in all areas, would listen to anything I told him to do and then came our little preschooler. LOL! I love parenting and all the endless journies we get to go on. I've never been one to try and keep up with the Joneses' though. I gave that up a long time ago with my first child when he would be too quiet and laidback and other parents had children that were outspoken and hyper. Now that I have a child that is outspoken/hyper I can't seem to fit in yet again in this age group. I love my kids though and could care less what anyone else thinks of us. We're a happy family. :o)

I agree that parenting is hard and that you are constantly having to adapt because what worked yesterday, doesn't work today. I also believe that we all put too much pressure on ourselves, in my opinion our children are the most important thing, and everything else can wait, but we all seem to think that everything has to be done and everything has be perfect. I wish that there wasn't soo much competetion built into parenting, if we could all just stop competeting and share, or at least live and let live, then maybe some of the stress of parenting would ease. But of Course parenting will never be easy because we are in charge of the raising and forming of the future.
I have a very spirinted child at home but in public or school she is very reserved and well behaved, which is good, but I constantly hear negative comments about how not everyones child can be perfect like mine, which I would never think, or when I say she was misbehaving, other mom's laugh or joke, about how I wouldn't know, etc. I think the Judgement is very hard, it makes you feel alienated no matter how your child behaves, it is never the norm, because there is no norm for children!

Parenting is exhausting. Before I had kids I thought I'd be really good at it. I have always loved kids. But it is the hardest job I've ever had. When I think back to my career pre-mommy.... managing the personalities and temperments and a $70 million advertising budget was MUCH easier than managing a passionate 5 year old and a quietly insistent 2.5 year old. They are my greatest joys... but I have to be honest and admit there are times when I love them the best when they are asleep. I think as parents we are always striving to do our best for our kids. But as human beings, we all have our limitations too. For instance, I envy the moms who can organize arts & crafts projects and activities to occupy every second of the day. I can't do that. So instead, I have always adopted the attitude that it's important for my kids not to wait to be entertained, but to be able to entertain themselves. So while I do the occassional arts & crafts projects and take them to a few lessons, our days are not overscheduled and they aren't running off to playdates every day. They are often home, inventing and imagining on their own. And then I can cook dinner or read the paper.

I think the most challenging part of parenting for me is managing my expectations and finding that well of patience that you need. I'm not very good at it. When my 5 year old whines or throws a tantrum I look at her and think "Oh for the love of god, you are 5, aren't you too old for this?" I feel like she has been so verbal from such an early age, shouldn't see be able to better articulate and express her frustrations? And when I tell her no, shouldn't see just accept her fate? And the answer....duh, of course not. But my expectations on her behaviour also lead to my lack of patience for it. I am trying harder. It's embarrassing when I find myself arguing with a 5 year old.... and losing, by the way. And I have to cut down on the yelling. Yes, I'll admit it... there is yelling at my house. See, no Mother of the Year here.

I find the most rewarding part of parenting the love that my girls have for each other. They love each other, protect each other, make each other laugh and genuinely like to be together. And it's weird that I say that's the most rewarding part of parenting because I'm not sure it has anything to do with parenting.

Parenting may be an Olympic event, but do we ever finish the race? When the kids are out of the house and married with their own kids do you think you stop worrying about them? I doubt it. I think the reward unfolds every day in barely perceptible ways.... an act of kindness, conquering a fear, reaching some milestone... but it is the most thrilling race of all, isn't it?

Actually I think it's just the opposite. I think parents are doing less and less these days. I know I'll get flamed for this. But I see it at my children's school all the time. Kids are in school all day learning from someone else, tutored by yet another person, spending the nights at friends houses on weekends, playing outdoors with neighborhood friends, playing videos and watching t.v. and not interacting with the parents, etc. the list goes on.

I think more parents should take an active interest in their children's lives more often and it would bring them closer. Our family doesn't miss a meal together when we are at home. During school the kids eat there but at home we have breakfast (yes at 6:00am before school) and supper in the evenings after *helping* our older children with homework, not sending them to their rooms to do it alone. We also play after supper until bedtime. We don't stick them at the t.v. or with video games to occupy themselves til bedtime or get them involved in so many sports that they have little to no time to study for school.

Anyway, I think more parents should be the Tutor, sports coach, therapist, friend, cook, housekeeper, peace-maker, sleep specialist, nutritionist, researcher, nurse, massage therapist, electronics enforcer, etiquette trainer and maybe their children would be more well-balanced and happier children overall.