i too am a stay at home mom, lost my mother at 8, lost my husbands parents while i was pregnant, and lost my dad two years ago. I was very close to all of them, When my dad dies i almost lost it, I have a bad habit of crying when i'm alone, holding it in until then. My reccomendation for you would be to cry till you can no longer cry, speaking from experience i find it the best way, you may also want to try some st johns wart, or an herbal pill called "happy camper" they are non narcotic and not habit forming, theyinspire your dopamine to expell correctly rather than spill it like wellbutrin and other deppresion pills

Hi Anita,
First of all let me say I am sorry for your loss. I am also a stay at home mom. We only have one car and my husband uses it almost everyday. Since I dont work, I really dont have much spare cash to use either. But having said this, Dependant on how I feel. If it is pretty outside, I dont care if its cold or hot, as long as the sun is shining my son is going outside to play for 30 minutes to an hour. They do the same thing at daycare centers even in the winter. Because kids will go stir crazy if they do not get a release.
I also have school with my son who is now 4. It is only 10-15 minutes at a time. I teach him ABCS, NUMBERS, MATH SCIENCE. I use curriculums from the internet. You can print out pages for them to color and art projects. It is all free. It really gets their mind going. In the summer and fall we always go to the park and have lunch there. Its free. In the winter and all year round I take him to the library. Once or twice a month we go to Stevi B's which is a pizza buffet for 4.50 and they have games, he loves it.
My son still watches too much TV, I just try to keep him involved in something the best I can.
Hope that helped a little. God Bless

I woulf first encourage you to join the bereavement board here at Daily Strength. There are a lot of people feeling and going through what you are going through right now. All your feelings are totally normal and expected.

As far as your kids watching too much TV... use it when you need it, TV is like anything else, a tool we can use when we need it.

What I do as a stay at home mom isn't all that relevant because what you are experiencing is grief. But if it helps you, I drive my kids to school, (the little one is in preschool, older one in DK) so I have a couple hours for myself in the morning where I run errands and try to exercise (I'm 7.5 months pregnant so there isn't too much exercise going on). When I pick the little one up from school, I give her lunch and play with her until I put her down for her nap at 1P. I have a babysitter who comes and watches her while I go and pick up my older daughter at 2:30P. When I get home in the afternoon, we spend the rest of the day coloring, drawing, playing games, riding our bikes... actually, I don't do any of that.... they do and I will read the paper, prepare dinner, fold laundry, or sit here at the computer.... occasionally I will do an art project with them or play a board game. But they are really good at entertaining themselves and each other. I try to tidy up some, but not too successfully. Then after an early dinner, we have bath, play and then daddy comes home to to teeth brushing and stories and tuck in.

I'm so sorry for your loss, my mother died a year ago and I know how hard it is... how lost you feel. I think it was especially poignant for me because I have kids. Although kids can be great at distracting you, when you lose a parent, it makes it harder to imagine not sharing those many kid moments with your parents.

Good luck to you.

Write your feelings down or visit this site when you have a spare moment otherwise.. Well this is my schedule.

7:30 am: Wake-up to 3 yr. old calling "Momma, Momma"
Put on a pot of coffee
Turn on Goodmorning America

8:00 am: Wake-up 5 yr. old and get the boys fed, dressed and ready to go to pre-school.

8:45 am: Out the door to school we go ready or not. (3 yr old usually doesn't want to take big brother to school)

9:15 am: Back home, pre-school time for 3 yr old. we do books ( I read) and we do puzzles. We draw pictures for daddy. We talk about colors and letters and numbers. He tells me stories etc...

11:15 am: We go pick up 5 yr old from school. Again ready or not.

12:00 pm: We eat lunch

12:30 pm: They watch a movie and play.

2:00 pm: Quiet time. 3 yr old takes a nap, 5 yr old and I do his homework, play games, read books

3:00 pm: Snack time. I start thinking about dinner, watch a little tv while 5 yr old plays quietly.

4:00 pm: Wake up 3 yr old. Start dinner. I usually let boys help me cook.
Husband gets home and boys go play till dinner's ready.

5:30 pm: Eat dinner

6:00 pm: Husband and I play with boys.

7:00 pm: Bath time. Boys watch a movie, husband and I sit a talk about our day.

8:00 pm: Story time, I read 3 or 4 stories everynight

8:30 pm: Night-night time we say goodnight to the boys.

As for depression find a great counseler and maybe anti-depressants for a while. That is what helped me after my mother's suicide.

I hope this is somewhat helpful!

Such thoughtful responses! Great ideas on all fronts. First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss and I know what it's like to lose a parent. It totally sucks and there's nothing anyone can say to make it better. But you need to grieve and eventually you'll start feeling like yourself again (hopefully). And I would try to help yourself first, because you have to be in a good place to be able to be home all day and be a good parent to two little ones.

The days are long enough with 2 little ones, but when you're depressed and sad, it's probably unbearable. As soon as you can start battling your depression, you can get back to having fun and enjoying the days with the kids.

In the interim, I would try to stick to a schedule as much as possible. Maybe limit TV to one show in the morning (while you're preparing breakfast) and then after breakfast take the kids for a walk, to the park or to a museum. After lunch, put them down for a nap (so that you can have time just for you) or at least insist on quiet time for everyone. In the afternoon you can do some type of project (my kids LOVE arts and crafts).

Some of the other things we do:
*Games
*Puzzles
*Legos
*Play-Dough
*Hide & Seek
*Treasure Hunts
*Obstacle Courses

I also have the kids enrolled in some afternoon activities: Baseball, Ballet, Art Class, etc. And of course we do some playdates and the never-ending errands!

Do you participate in any Mommy and Me's? Or Toddler Gym Classes? This is a great way to meet other moms and allow the kids to let loose (without sucking the life out of YOU).

Please keep us posted on how you're doing. Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry for your loss. I can fully relate. My youngest daughter died this past summer. I have a 3.5 yr old and 21 months old now. I am in the middle of the grieving process. We have rough days and good days. Basically, we need to take care of ourselves and get through the grieving process so we can take care of our kids. I am not saying in any way, shape or form to "get over it". We never get over it, but we can get to a place where we find peace with our loss. I would see a doc to see if antidepressants are right for you as you might feel better and more able to engage your children. I know it's tough. Grieving is tough work. My son watches a movie every day. I need the break as I just can't handle much more. Use the TV as needed, try to engage them as much as possible, take care of yourself and it will get easier as time goes on.

I am so sorry, that is really hard. my advice to you is to try and keep busy, when my middle child was born, I suffered from really bad post pardum depression and was put on medication. When my 3rd child was born, I did not want to go back on meds, so I kept myself and my kids busy, I went on long walks with them, I joined a mom's group, and I spent a lot of time with other stay at home mom's. We would hang out at either each other's houses or at play grounds, and it helped to be around other adults. If I felt myself getting down, I packed up the kids and got out of the house. If my friends were busy, I went to the mall or pet store or anywhere I can to get my mind off of the depression, some days it passed and some days it didn't. I hope this helps, find a listing of mom's clubs like MOPS in your area.

Let's see routine...
7:00 am - up and shower
7:30 am - both kids up 6 and 2 year old.
8:00 am - Breakfast w/cartoons
8:30 am - Off to the gym, this is a good way to work out things on your mind, plus you have the added bonus of talking to adults.
11:00 am - back home get lunch ready for kiddies - w/cartoons
12:00 - 12:30 pm - take my son to school
12:30 pm - 2:00 pm - let my daughter play
uninterrupted by her brother.
2:00 pm - NAPTIME!
2:15 pm - 3:38 pm - stare at computer and type.
3:38 pm - Son comes home
3:40 - 4:30 pm - cuddle and talk to my son about his day.
4:30 pm - get baby girl up
4:30 pm - Let kids kill eachother on a daily basis.
5:00 pm - start dinner
5:45 pm - 6:16 pm - husband comes home and runs on treadmill.
6:15 pm - 7:00 pm- I train my husband with weights - this is great fun for me, not so much for him sometimes!
7:00 pm - dinner - I hate this, but I like to eat as a family.
7:30 pm - bathtime & playtime w/daddy
8:00 pm - bedtime for baby girl.
8:30 pm - bedtime for little boy.
8:30 - 11:00 pm - Mommy and Daddy time.

This is a vicious cycle. You will find yourself at some point and that is what is important as long as you share your love and companionship with your children they will be fine. Kids can learn a lot of good stuff from TV as long as you at least keep it to PBS and some Disney cartoons. Your body and mind need time to grieve and you need to remember your dad is still with you in your children and in your heart. I wish you the best.

I am a stay at home mom and i know what u mean about all the cartoons so i just clean all day and it is a all day job because i hav 2 autistic boys and they don't stop sorry to read about your dad i don't know how that feels but i just got to know my dadabout 5 years ago so I grew up not haveing his love but i was blessed with a step father that treats me like his kid even though my mom and him got devoriced 9 years ago and i still see him and that dosen't fly with my mom so we fight about a she was there but not there if u know what i mean always know he is there when u need him i still feel my hubbys grandpa sometimes we lost him about 8 years ago and i know he comes to see my kids

just to let you know, St johns wart can be very effective but can interfere with birth control. I lost my son two months ago, it's not easy to grieve with young ones around. I always seen to feel better after I take a walk and the kids feel better getting fresh air too. Music seems to be a good out let for me and my kids like to dress up and dance.

I'm sorry for your loss. Have you talked to your doctor about the depression? You could have some PPD as well as depression due to the loss of your father. They could put you on something temporarily until you start to feel better.

Do you have a friend or family member you can reach out to that can help with the children occasionally so you have time alone?

I wouldn't worry that the children watch a little extra t.v. each day. If you don't have anyone to reach out to for child care so you can have a break then you need your time somehow.

Anita: I am so very sorry that your father passed on. Like your beloved Dad, my Dad, passeed on suddenly, and, was never sick, so, i can relate. We are all here for you, ALWAYS.

I have a son, he is going to be 5 in May. Some suggstions:

1. Try to get out every day with your little ones...to a mall, to the library, to the park, go for a drive, just get out of your house.

2. Like one of the other member here suggested...teach them ABC's, numbers, sing (i know you dont feel like it), read books to them.

3. See if your local YMCA has a mommy and me class or check play centers in your area...music together is a PHENOMENAL program, pricey, but, it is soo worth it and children from birth to age 5 can attend....their site is www.musictogether.com...

4. Color, do arts and crafts...you can get ideas, print outs from the internet

I hope my ideas and everyone else's ideas so far, have helped you...again, my heartfelt sympathy and sincere condolences to you...please join the breavement forum, if you havent joined already..i am a member there.

HUGS, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.

Allow yourself to be sad. I lost my dad, both grandmothers and a great uncle (and my favorite cat) in 9 months. My kids watched a lot of TV during that time. Don't feel guilty about needing time to yourself. My kids are watching a movie right now because I need to be here on the forums. If your sadness continues, maybe you could see a therapist to help you cope. good luck

Getting out of the house is key...even when you don't feel like it (kind of like exercise...you go and glad you did afterwards). Some of my best "mommy" friends are ones I met while at the park or at organized play activities! Fills up your day and less TV. Also, let your 3 year old look at books (ones that you think he might really like). After 3 kids (and being a nanny), I learned that when introduced to books earlier, the child is more apt to resort to a book to pass the time. TV was a "special" thing...like a reward for helping mommy or going to sleep "good." Even now, we have less TV...No TV Sundays, for example. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is a one day at a time thing. Try starting out the day w/o any tv and do something you know he will enjoy...playdoh/puzzles/chalk on the sidewalk/play tag/have a picnic in the front yard/catch bugs in the dirt(boys usually love that)/build a fort out of blankets and whatever/cut and glue shapes and stuff around the house onto paper. I hope this helps.