
Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of preschoolers (3 to 5 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
Dad out as often as possible.

deleted_user
Hi! I havent ever posted to this board, although I read it alot. I have a question and am not sure if you guys are the right group to help, but I am hoping someone can advise.
My husband is a pastor of a 800 member church in our area. Ever since our first child came along (which was only a short time after we were married that we got pregnant with her)he has always seemed to make himself busy. I know that taking care of all of those church members is a big job, but I always feel like he chooses the church and church work over his family. We have now been married for almost 6 years and I am just so tired. We have a 4 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy. At our last church which was a smaller country church, he was gone almost every night. He joined a hunting club, he was fishing, he was at meetings, he was "visiting members", he was our with his father, he was golfing, or in a must do "charity golf tournament"...ALL THE TIME. By the end of our stay in that church, I was honestly contemplating a divorce.
Our move back to the big city came just in the nick of time for us, as I do not think our marriage would have survived another year of his hobbies and activities. We ended up moving into the same neighborhood that his parents live in and I knew that was bad news, but I could not talk him out of it.
Now, he and his father are making plans every week. Since we have been back home (a year in June) he has gone on 3 or more 2-3+ night overnight fishing/hunting trips with his father and has been invited on numerous more that I have told him absolutely no to...like trips out of state...
I am sorry to be so long winded, but I just do not know what to do. It really seems to me (and he swears it is not the case) that he doesnt like being with us or at home. I feel like a single parent most of the time and I just dont want to live my whole life this way. We now have #3 on the way, which was a hard decision for us...for me becuase I knew he wouldnt be much help and for him because he really wasnt sure he wanted #3 anyway, but we did it and now I am more scared than ever.
Anyone have any ideas of where to start opening this can of worms or getting him to be happier with his wife and kids over his father and friends?
Thanks!
My husband is a pastor of a 800 member church in our area. Ever since our first child came along (which was only a short time after we were married that we got pregnant with her)he has always seemed to make himself busy. I know that taking care of all of those church members is a big job, but I always feel like he chooses the church and church work over his family. We have now been married for almost 6 years and I am just so tired. We have a 4 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy. At our last church which was a smaller country church, he was gone almost every night. He joined a hunting club, he was fishing, he was at meetings, he was "visiting members", he was our with his father, he was golfing, or in a must do "charity golf tournament"...ALL THE TIME. By the end of our stay in that church, I was honestly contemplating a divorce.
Our move back to the big city came just in the nick of time for us, as I do not think our marriage would have survived another year of his hobbies and activities. We ended up moving into the same neighborhood that his parents live in and I knew that was bad news, but I could not talk him out of it.
Now, he and his father are making plans every week. Since we have been back home (a year in June) he has gone on 3 or more 2-3+ night overnight fishing/hunting trips with his father and has been invited on numerous more that I have told him absolutely no to...like trips out of state...
I am sorry to be so long winded, but I just do not know what to do. It really seems to me (and he swears it is not the case) that he doesnt like being with us or at home. I feel like a single parent most of the time and I just dont want to live my whole life this way. We now have #3 on the way, which was a hard decision for us...for me becuase I knew he wouldnt be much help and for him because he really wasnt sure he wanted #3 anyway, but we did it and now I am more scared than ever.
Anyone have any ideas of where to start opening this can of worms or getting him to be happier with his wife and kids over his father and friends?
Thanks!
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
My hubby also works seasonal work which drives me crazy because his hours are varied and if they're not, he fudges so he can spend more time away. It really urks me and a lot of the time I feel ready to move onto someone who wants to spend time with us.
You're definitely not expecting too much...I totally understand because I too grew up where my dad was home every night and played with me after work and my husband just doesn't do that with our kids. It's very disheartening and after seven years for me, I'm tired too. Hugs to you...just know there are others that are in the same boat and truly understand.
I don't know if you can get him happier with his wife and kids but my hubby is the same way, except, he is home. He's off to the computer, only to come out when it's time for bed (and some extra cirricular activites). Which really turns me off because he just dodges me and then thinks I'm on when he is. URG!
I would start by talking, then say we need counseling. I would think if he practices what he preaches, he would understand that GOd wants them not only to finacially take care of the family but also to take care of it at home. Good luck, I know it won't be easy.
If you can sit him down and tell him how you feel maybe he will open up but then again he may not which is the position I am in. I am too clingy yet he travels all over for work and does things with coworkers at least twice a week after work. My son is always asking will daddy be home today? Good luck and hope you can get through.
He needs to be responsible and care and support (emotionally too) his family and his wife.
Tell him how you feel and where you think things are going to be heading if things don't change.
Honesty is the only way things are going to get any better. He needs to stop being a 'single' person and get back into the role of husband and father.
For us, divorce has come up more than once and he says he wants to be home and spend more time with the kids. But, then he spends his time complaining when he is that he's bored, etc.
I wish I had advice, as I could use some myself. Just know you aren't alone in the married but single parent club.
I remind him that i didn't sign up to be a single parent...and if he's going to continue working this way (he has to for his career), then i want to move by family or friends.
fortunately for me, he is just involved in work, and doesn't do all the extra stuff...
there's just ONE point of irony here...(i totally support YOU!) its interesting that the man who probably teaches others to put God and Family first puts his at the tail end...
have you ever reminded him of that?
good luck to everyone here! and best wishes to you...i hope it all works out for everyone.
we could all move to the same location and create our own village! xo
Why not find a babysitter and get out and do your own thing too?
If he can go out and have his hobbies, there is no reason you can't do the same.