You are doing a wonderful thing by taking care of your niece and nephew, I think if your kids are loved and taken care of, thats all they really need, but if you can't love those kids as your own then don't do it, it isn't helpful for anyone. I think ice cream and ipods shouldn't make you to want to get rid of a sweet baby..I'll take her. I'm sorry you can't get any help, and maybe I just read your post wrong. and $600 every week on food thats alot. I hope you are able to get some sort of help soon.

You have alot on your load right now.Do what is right in your heart.I don't know how any parents can do this to their own children.You are some kind of person to take on two more kids.Good Luck.

Well...I can feel some of what you are going through...I have twin three year olds and was a stay at home mother single mother for a long time...Food and formula are very expensive and it was too expensive to put the kids into day care...Sister, you need a break...It is SOOOOO hard to stay at home...it is just draining, mentally and physically...it is THE hardest thing to do...it will get easier...Try not to blame the children for their mother's inability to care for them...They are all lucky to have eachother...I would take my sisters kids in less than a heart-beat, even if it meant that my own kids would have to do without...

I have a suggestion for formula....go to the website of the formula that the baby uses and sign up everyone that you know to get discount cupons...

I know that it is hard, but you have to resolve to do this...think about how all of the children would feel if you gave up half of your family...all of the children need you...try to be strong...even if your broke...Hey, it was so hard for me...I couldnt pay my mortgage, my x was jetsetting off to God knows where with God knows who and I was totally broke and taking care of two babies at once...Still married I didnt qualify for any assistance becasue shithead makes too much money, but I did survive...I asked friends for milk, I asked my mother for diapers and I asked my father to scour the earth for deals on formula...

You are going to be ok...be strong for all of these children.

You are a very good person. I wish there were more like you in the world.

You aren't getting the support you need and deserve. I think that's why you are feeling the way you are. Anybody would. I am surprised to hear that social services is not paying for medical care and daycare. If you were a foster parent that would be payed for and you would also receive a stipend for expenses. I think you need to call social services and speak to someone about the drain this is on you. See if you can become a foster parent to these kids so that they can be receiving the help they really need. Social services should always place kids with family members when possible, but family members ought to get support.

As for your worry about your sons-- You are teaching them very importnat values here. The values of family, community, responsibility. This will give them way more than an ipod ever could. They will not be harmed by doing without luxuries so that others can have necessities and they will probably become better for it.

However, you are doing more than your fair share just by opening up your home. The state has to step in here with some cash and services. In my state, your sister-in-law would be paying child support. You might want to put the 2 month old in daycare so you have more time for your son. (Again, the state should pay) After all, you chose to be a stay at home mom for your kids, not for your sis-in-law's kids. If you get on their case a bit, they might get on hers. BTW why isn't she caring for her own kids?

she has been an unfit parent for most of the 8ys my nephew has been on this earth. she does drugs and drinks heavily. i will not give up on my niece but i just see the other kids suffering. no they are not without but my time with them has just been split so much. we have told her and her BF to help but they continue to say they are broke. this morning her BF came and dropped off 1 pack of diapers and he was bitching about the brand they are becasue he says they are expensive. i simply told him that he should have covered his baby maker up and not gotten her preg if he is going to complain about having to support his daughter. he started to yell and i simply put my hand on his chest and sent him out the door. he continued to yell outside. he is 48 and my sis in law is 30...they are grown. this is his 1st child and he uses that as an excuse. they should got the things she needs no matter if they are needed right then and there. when i was 21 and had my first baby i didnt wwait till someone told me my son needed diapers or formula, i just bought them. then these 2 jerks are surprised that kids were taken from them. they messed up and they want everyone to feel sorry for them

OK priorities need to get sorted out. You have to decide what's important and what's not an Ipod is not important... and if you have to start making cuts then make them in the appropriate spots of your income and consumer purchases. there is nothing wrong buying cheaper downsizing for survival sake. And always remember to take care of you and yours that's #1 regardless. You can only spread yourself so thin A 3000 dollar crib you could have done so much more with that money like buy some ice cream!

First let me say, I hope nothing I say offends you in any way there are just some questions I have had to ask myself over the years.
I know what you are doing and going through is very hard, especially financially. It is harder on you than it is on the kids. Being a stay at home parent is difficult enough without taking on more responsibility.
I do not think you are hurting your kids in any way. In fact they may be learning something very important. Neither you nor they know it now but in the future I am sure they will realize what this time in life has done for them. It is hard for kids to do without the things their friends have and it is hard for you to not be able to give these things to them. But how important are possessions?
Remember if they have all they NEED. Housing, Food, clothes and plenty of love the material things are not important. Remember the saying The more you have, the more you have to loose. The only thing you truly have that you can not loose, no one can take away from you is the love of family. The only way that goes away is if you no longer want it.
Mark my words, in the years to come your kids will look back on this time and be proud for making some sacrifices for their cousins. They will be especially proud of you and your husband for taking on such a hard job and doing such a good job for them and their cousins. All the kids over time will become closer when your boys start to become proud for being there for the cousins and the cousins begin to know what your boys had to do without.
This is a task that God has given you. So remember his promise that he will give you nothing you cant handle. You are a strong woman with a strong faith. You can get through the hard times and the entire family will be the better for it.
Your boys are getting old enough to understand, so when they complain try talking to them about what life would be like for their cousins if they couldnt live with you. Would they have a loving home or a home at all?
Now for some of the expense, I dont know what diapers you use but what I used for Johnny was White Cloud from Wal-Mart. They were as good as any I tried and much less expensive. When I was in Oregon, WIC had Johnny on Enfamil when I came to Texas and was not yet on WIC I looked at the nutrition facts on formulas and found one in Wal-Mart with almost the same values but was almost half the costs. Bottom line is reed the labels and shop wise.
As for help, contact family services there should be some help for you. You are acting as a Foster Parent and should be entitled to all the help available to other Foster Parents. Contact the Attorney Generals office. If their parental rights have not been revoked they are financially responsible and the state of Texas will go after them.
I hope some of this helps. I also want you to know if I was close enough I would gladly come give you a days break. Since I am not I will give you my Prayers and support. If you ever need to talk, know I am here.

Bob

than you all and thank you bob. i have tried all kinds of diapers and her little bum is so sensitive all she can wear is pampers swadlers and huggies sensitive wipes. here in san antonio the caseload is high for each case worker. they made the mistake by putting the children on family base not foster base so i am not entitled to any benefits. as far as her formula becasue she was born with drugs in her system, any change in formula affects her tummy. i called WIC today and they might be able to help by putting it under an emergency case, they are going to let me know tomorrow. dont get me wrong i do love these children very much. but i just see my niece as a pawn to keep this jers she calls a boyfriend. and as far as my nephew, he has been with us for 16 months, 14 months before protective services stood in. my sis in law didnt want him then why does she want him now. he doesntwant to go back to her but he cannot make that choice. i dont think my sis in law would be visiting my nephew if my niece werent here with us and that hurts. it hurts to see my nephew hurt. it hurts to see my 11 yo hurt because he knows my nephew might not be with us much longer.

Happy, in my state, these two would be paying child support through the probate. Their wages would be garnished. If they did not pay, they would go to jail, no matter how broke they are. You'd be amazed at how this can straighten out a parent. My XBF does not pay his electricity bill (he was shut off for months) or his taxes (until they threatened a sheriff's sale on his house) but I get child support on time without fail. That's because the probate takes it right out of his paycheck and direct deposits it into my bank account. He never even sees the money. I'm pretty sure all states have a probate for child support enforcement. If these two aren't working, the court can calculate a child support order based on what they would be earning if they were working. If they don't pay, it's jail.
It would be worth it for you to go down to the family court in your county and file a petition for a child support order. You don't need a lawyer and it's pretty easy to do. Keep us posted and God bless.

my father and i are going to the court house in the morning. he is very good friends with a judge he has known since grade school. maybe we can get him to write something up just to scare them before we file for support. i will keep you all posted. thank u all again and again. you all are great!!!!!!!

I agree with what other posters have said. As you know, my DH is reserves (was active for 10 years) and I asked him about this. He suggests going to the Family Services on post and see what kind of help they could provide you.

Also, as someone else stated, your kids are learning a valuable lesson. We were brought up to help those who were less fortunate, while we gave to the food drives, clothing drives, toys for tots, etc...we never actually lived it. While you feel bad about not getting the iPod for your son now, he's not going to hold it against you forever. When he's older he's going to remember that he didn't get the iPod, but that his cousins got a better life.

You are also under a lot of stress right now. Your mom took the kids for you a couple weeks ago, is she able to do this for you on a regular basis? I know that that doesn't stop the money problems, but it will give you sanity time and make your head more clear to make decisions.

Hang in there, its bound to get better. You have a big heart.

maggie

I just wanted to add an encouraging word. You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of your neice and nephew and like others have said your children are learning from your actions. I personally do not think you are hurting your children by them having to go without material things and some extra's like ice cream occasionly.

Hang in there and GOD BLESS!

sounds tough, but i have to ask, where is the other kids father in all this? besides the 2 month old baby, who you said was your sis in law's bf's daughter... where is your brother?

I realize this is difficult for you and you're doing a great job. Your children and the children that you are caring for a blessed to have someone like you in their lives. I hope all works out for the best.

In my state dhr (cps, dhs) will provide assistance to you and take the parents to court for child support.