Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
I was in a relationship with my son's father for 10 years. About 1 1/2 years ago things between us got really bad. Physical, emotional, verbal abuse was the problem. Along with drugs and alcohol. I had no other choice but to remove myself and my son from the very bad situation. My son and I moved in with my mother. It has taken me pretty much a year and a half to get over the relationship. My son on the other hand, who is only 5, is not able to tell me how he feels about the situation. Although I ask him questions like...Do you want to see your daddy?...His reply is no. He says that he doesnt want to talk to his father or see him. My son witnessed alot more between his father and I than any child should. I was so blind to that fact at the time. I felt that I needed to do whatever possible to keep our family together. I realize now so many things I did wrong. But, it is what it is and I am trying to do the right thing now and move forward. My family feels like he does not need to see his father at this time because we cant trust him. He has never paid any child support. He makes no effort to pay. He thinks he should not have pay if he doesnt get to see his son. We were never married so there is no court order. I could get the state to take him to court but the money is not really the issue. I dont want to go to court for many reasons. I am so scared that one day my son is going to regret not seeing his father. They were really close when we all lived together and for months after we left my son would visit with his father for weekends at the grandparents house. That is where his father was living at the time. I know that when my son has seen his father over the last year that he seemed to enjoy the time but it caused some behavior problems like accidents in his pants, bitting his fingernails...things like that. Since he has not seen his father for many months now...all those things have stopped. He seems so much more at ease. I know that my son has heard my family talk negative about his father and many times that I took him to see his father we did it secretly so that my family wouldnt know. Most of those times some kind of fight broke out and it turned into a bad experince for me and my son. In some ways I feel like its just better to forget about his father and move on. But I know that one day we will both regret him not having that relationship with his father. Let me go on to say that the relationship that he would have with his father would be a relationship of convinence for his father. I know this because of his past behavior. The best prediction of future behavior is past. I could go on and on and I am sure that I left out many details and you may need to ask some questions to really form an opinion to help me. I would appreciate any feedback you have. Thank you so much!!!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I hope you can figure something out that will help your son and I hope that you and your ex can come to some sort of agreement on how to treat each other to remain positive around your son. Your son is hurting too.
Take care and I'll be thinking of you and your family. I hope for the best
I think that if you child evaer did say he wanted to see his father i would make it a visit in a supervised contact centre for an hour. I would then see how he acts after wards and if this affeted him badly i would cease all contact all together.
A parent is suppose to be a positive emotionally stable infuence in a childs life not one that causes emotional instability.
I think it's because she is out of her "comfort zone", and that mommy only comes around at certain times. I would never hold my daughter from my ex, but then again, if I feel that she'll be in danger by going with her mother, then I would let her know that I'm coming along. If there is an altercation between the two of us in front of my daughter, simply walk away.
And also, it's not right to have your family bad mouth or say negative things about his dad. I never say any negative things about my daughters mother, at least when she's not around :-). That can prove to be just as negative as him seeing the two of you fighting. It's better to let him make the decision on his own, even though he's only 5, he knows what's comfortable and what's not.