You're caught between a rock and a hard place. Either be more flexible or don't call for playdates anymore at all.

I agree with post #1, flexiblility is the key, sounds like you got a good thing (for the most part) going on there, We mommies must pick and choose issues, good friends take time, and like you said, some mommies have LOTS of responsibilities, need our support yes??? Good luck:)

I agree with the first 2 posts. Make your plans for other play dates and if this mom calls and you happen to be available, fine. If not, after a few missed play dates maybe she will get the message and book play dates with you in advance. Or not. Either way, it's nothing you should stress over.

I like to have everything planned in advance, and it sounds like you do, too, but not all people are like that. Be flexible when you can, and tell her you've made other plans when you can't be flexible.

maybe one time of saying "no, sorry, we have plans now since I didn't hear from you" would better get the message across. I have to agree though, for our kids, we have to put up with things we'd never otherwise put up with from people. sad, but true. good luck.

Thanks so much for all the helpful replies. Now I can see from other perspectives:).

Ri has a play date every Thursday. It is planned with the same little girl.
But maybe try what someone said"sorry since we didn't hear from you we made other plans."

I agree with Cath. But you could also tell her that your daughter is not available the next time (or two) that she calls, maybe she'll start realizing that you're just not as flexible as she is.

I have a friend I have know since high school and now that we are both moms, I thought we would get together now and then. I would email her and yes, some peoples lives are more hectic (usually by choice-overscheduling...) but she is the same way re: just doing something spur of the moment. Where I like to make plans ahead of time and don't like this last minute "stuff". Basically we never see each other anymore and it is not from my lack of trying. I finally gave up and just accept her for whatever she is. Thankfully I have one mom friend who is just like me and we both feel that way too many people are into "it's all about me" and feel others should just accept them. Sorry, but whatever happened to making time to call that friend and making plans to get together. I don't care how "busy" these people are- if you really want to make the time- you can make the time. Amen.

I tend to be more of a last minute mom, because I am juggling so many things, including the demands of my divorce process. Sometimes I just need to spend that time gathering documents that were requested just this morning.

Another issue is that my child is moody. Before I got his food allergies under control, I never knew if it was going to be a good day or not, if he was going to have a reaction to something or not. They also have the divorce which sometimes makes them a little needy, and on those days we stay home and cuddle a lot. I thought it would be worse to make plans and then cancel at the last minute. If people have to say no, I totally understand, I just couldn't take my child someplace and have him melt down. Now that is a bridge-burner. And sometimes as a single parent I am just overwhelmed with the number of things I have to do, remember, and respond to and I just can't make one more decision right now.

You never know why things are different for other people. If you can be flexible, then try to do so, if it is a visit that you want, with people you like. From her point of view, if she is dealing with something complex, it may just look like you have a set way of doing things and can't be flexible, for no good reason, other maybe than Miss Manners says there ought to be 2 days of notice for all playdates. Maybe at some point you'll understand why she is this way and it may make sense. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
I have some good friends now, and they are people who have been flexible and understanding with my constraints. I'm so grateful that they know that I"m not blowing them off or trying to be inconsiderate. You say she is sweet and warm-hearted. Maybe it's worth giving it a chance.

You are right, Thriver!
We all have gotten so busy that we all have such a crazy life.ANd we forgt the other person that is having some type of a struggle right then.
But if someone has a habit of postponing att he last minute (happens with certain people) Here I am left to try and explain it tot he child who is very upset that was looking so forward to that play date.
There are times I am like NOOOOOOOO....I can't do one more thing. I have had a busy week and don't feel like I could go anothor step. But I make myself and usually I feel better for it afterwards.
I to am going thru lots with a custody battle etc..... AS a Grand parent raising another child,I have a business,plus home work,dinner etc....I put everything on the calendar. This starting all over again is really hard.
Also what I do is I never tell the little one the plans until I confirm that day or the day before and that away she doesn't have that extra disapointment in her life.I also notice less melt downs if she has those play dates.
Didn't mean to rattle, but I agree with both sides...........and no I am not running for anything............