My husband of 13 years abandoned my 6yo daughter and I in October when I learned he had been in a relationship with another woman for two months. We were divorced in January. There was no chance for reconciliation. Trust me. My now ex-husband -- who has been a good father for the most part but has showed terribly poor judgement during the divorce, not because of it but because of HOW he has chosen to do it -- is now getting married to this same woman in May. He moved in with her the same day he left our home and has been with her, helping her raise her own 2 year old daughter, since. That child's father is an ex con with a drug past and he and the woman my ex husband is marrying have domestic violence injunctions against each other, though the dad does see the daughter every weekend. My ex husband has insisted from day one that our daughter meet and spend time with his new family even though experts and the court-mandated class for parents who are divorcing (to learn how/what to say do/not do with the child) say you should wait a year before introducing the child to other relationships. Now I know why. He was going to get married to her and doesnt want to introduce our daughter to his new wife. Anyway, Tuesday (he takes her to school Tuesdays and Thursdays because we've gotten "frequent and liberal visitation as agreed to by both parties" because its in my daughter's best interest to see her father as much as she can)... anyway, Tuesday he told her on the way to school that he had a girlfriend. And that he was going to get married and that she could be the flower girl and THE WORST PART that it was a secret she couldnt tell me because I would not let him take her to school anymore. This is his way of forcing the issue, despite his agreement to me to wait until she was ready. The therapist (mine and hers) even told him to wait, that she wasnt ready, and he made an appointment to see her next week to find out "how to go about this" which made me feel sooooo good... but it was all a farce apparently. He says now that he never told her it was a secret. But I wont believe the pathological liar (there's a lot I havent said here) over the 6yo child who told me innocently and sort of traumatizedly over dinner Tuesday that "daddy and I have a secret and Im not supposed to tell you." Of course, I feel great that she told me. And of course I reacted well. It helped that I already knew that he was getting married and so could react with calm. She seemed okay with it, until she said that then we could all live together (she's 6. she doesnt realize). When I asked her if the woman has a child (cuz she sooooo really wants siblings and I wanted to focus on the positive) she said yes and I said that was great because now she might get a little step sister. I really handled it well with her. Then, get this, she said that yeah, but the little girl was little. Like 3 or 4. And when I asked how did she know, she said she HEARD HER CRYING OVER THE PHONE. My ex not only told our daughter that he had a new fiance, but he proceeded to call the woman and put her on the phone with her. Anyway... I had also mentioned to him, that please, when he did tell her not to do it right before school (he also wanted to tell her on Valentine's Day... I was like, Are you insane??? Ruining her valentine's Day forever?!?! This is a moment she'll likely remember all her life!!!) Anyway... this is getting long, eh? Its just that its sooooo much. I found out today that she got an F in a spelling test at school that day. HER FIRST EVER. She only wrote out two words of the 12. When I asked her why, she said that "she forgot". And he thinks that what he does/says has no effect on her. Please help me. What should I do? I know I don't have any choice but to let him take her over to his house with that dreadful woman. Eventually. Right? But shouldn't he wait a little more? And what can I do here on my end to make the experience as less painful as possible on her end? And what can I do to convince myself she will be safe there so I don't go absolutely crazy myself? Anyone?
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