Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

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hitting and pushing.....

My son just started his first year of school as a Kindergardener. I thought things were going great. The teacher has not said anything negative nor even given him a sad face on his weekly chart that keeps up with if he had a good/bad day. Well, I got Alex's (my sons) progress report and he got all Satisfactories except one.... "Does not keep his hands to himself" had "Needs Improvement" on it.

I was shocked to see this so I wrote a letter to the teacher trying to figure out what it is he does that has caused a problem. My son has a severe speech problem and the difference between a poke and a punch is the major difference between trying to get someones attention or hurting them.

Anyways, she responded and said that he is hitting and pushing both and school AND on the bus. Once again I was shocked because Alex has always been the most kind hearted person and very respectful and considerate of others.

Alex and I had a long talk and as part of his "punishment"/consequences for his actions, he will not be riding the bus for the next week. We are not avoiding the problem, we are trying to show Alex that if he can not behave on the bus, he will not ride it. He loves riding the bus so this is a major discipline for him. Also we have taken away all tv for the next week as well.

I have talked to him and tried to get him to see it from the other childs perspective. I ended up sounding like my mom (not necessarily a bad thing) by giving him the "treat others the way you want to be treated" speech :P Also I have given him examples of how to treat other children.

I also have written the teacher back explaining that we will be going over examples of how to get someones attention in a polite manner and how to play with other children without hurting them.

I have never had to deal with a child that hits or is mean to other children. He usually plays so nicely with the other kids at the parks and diffeent places we go to like the library.

I am not sure why the sudden change other than the environment. We have not installed in him these values and it is really upsetting me that at the beginning of the school year I was worried about him being bullied for being bi-racial and for being so skinny. However, later to find out that he IS the bully is just shocking and depressing.

I want to make sure that I deter him from continuing to do this. I am looking for suggestions on how to better handle the situation. He is the only child, gets tons of love, is not exposed to violence or mean character. We are doing everything we thought we could do to make sure he has good values installed in him. Any advice on how to handle the situation or how to help him learn the difference between good and bad touch would be great :) Thanks!



Well it may be a adjustment he is going through with school. If he has a severe speech problem it may be how he acts out.... out of frustrations. Its odd they never told you through the faces. Like my daughter always gets a stamp if not then it means they did something. I personally do not like busses for young kids. They are not really supervised. My son in 2nd grade is at the age where I would let him ride but I just take them cause I really don't like busses for them. I really think you should request a conference with the teacher. If he is acting this way then I think a meeting is needed to see what you guys can do to help the problem.

My kids are mixed but never have issues now maybe that depends where you lived but I never overly worry about that. You guys will work through it.... you are right on the ball with it its parents that don't care or just ignore bad behavior that usually keep having issues. Once they start school issues will come up we just have to deal with them and do the best we can.

was your son ever in daycare or away from you? He could be having a hard time adjusting to school. I current having issues with my first grader.

imperfectlyhere -- I definately agree about the buses. Thankfully they have a bus route specifically for kindergardeners and first graders. they also have 2 adults that ride on the bus with the kids to keep them under control. So yes buses can be a very bad thing, however, currently our school district realizes this and has taken precautionary measures to help inforce the rules.

Precious04 -- no my son has not been away from me other than when he went to his grandma's or when I left for a week for vacation. I am a stay at home mother currently and I have not done much without him by my side. Unfortunately, I feel I am paying the price for all of that now.

Anyways, thank you both for your response and I am hoping to figure out a way to install in him not to be mean to other children. I am hoping to find techniques to use to help him learn the difference in playing around and being mean. Thanks again to the both of you!

may be seperation issues. I work full time but my h was with my son during the day and now he going to school full time. 1st grade so he not seeing my h as much. He is currently acting on. I posted my problem on here. I not sure if my son issues could be more then seperation issues but it sound like your son could be having seperation issues. You seem to be on the right track. Postive reinforcement.

My children are also biracial. My husband & I had concerns about them being treated differently or teased due to this, but they are both so light skinned, everyone just thought they were white unless my husband was with them. We moved them this Fall to a more diverse school so they are not the only biracial students attending. However, this year is not going as smoothly as the last 2 years at the other school. We drive our kids (just don't like the bus). There have already been a few incidents of fighting on the playground with my little boy (1st grader) who is not a fighter. This never happened at the other school. I hope that we have not made a mistake by moving. Yes, the other school was all white...but it was also listed as the top school in the state. We are now at a school with large classroom sizes & a high ESL population. There are days I feel like pulling them out & homeschooling my kiddos! I am a certified teacher...but I want the best of everything for my children. So Your situation has me thinking about mine. Let us know what happens if you have a conference. (Maybe your little guy felt school, new kid...looks different & speaks differently..? I feel bad for your little man. Sounds like a case of frustration. Just ask him.
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