
Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
Good babying Vs Bad babying is there a median?

deleted_user
ok, im not the best parent in the world but i try (especially given that im only 23 trying to raise 5 and 7yr old step daughters). However, my wife is suffering from mental disorders and im very hesitant to belive her decisions right now. So, i joined this group to help aid my thoughts and decisions to know what is more right vs wrong when dealing with her. so here is my first beef...
When my youngest daughter acts up at bath time (throws a fit, wont get in the tub, lays on the floor and balls her eyes out cause she doesnt want to get ready for bed) I give her the option of getting up and going and getting her bath taken in a reasonable amount of time (generally 30min unless its late and that amount of time would put her way past bed time) or im going to give her a bath myself in which case its very wham bam in and out DONE!
well my wife told me that i am not the do that anymore, that bad babying is bad. however, lately she had been letting them take baths together in OUR TUB AND MAKE HUGE MESSES! with her watching them do it. im ahuge neat freak and dont like them doing that (i wont even get out of the tub until im completly dry where no water will get on my floor). normally i wouldnt mind, but i got into an argument over how i didnt see how good babying was any better than bad babying. is there a difference? am i wrong for my thought process?
i wont even go into how they decided they could just go do it on there own after had already told them NO one night. share your thoughts and opinions on this matter please. if you need more info let me know, but youll probably see me asking a lot of parenting questions here now to get a outsiders perspective on my house rules.
When my youngest daughter acts up at bath time (throws a fit, wont get in the tub, lays on the floor and balls her eyes out cause she doesnt want to get ready for bed) I give her the option of getting up and going and getting her bath taken in a reasonable amount of time (generally 30min unless its late and that amount of time would put her way past bed time) or im going to give her a bath myself in which case its very wham bam in and out DONE!
well my wife told me that i am not the do that anymore, that bad babying is bad. however, lately she had been letting them take baths together in OUR TUB AND MAKE HUGE MESSES! with her watching them do it. im ahuge neat freak and dont like them doing that (i wont even get out of the tub until im completly dry where no water will get on my floor). normally i wouldnt mind, but i got into an argument over how i didnt see how good babying was any better than bad babying. is there a difference? am i wrong for my thought process?
i wont even go into how they decided they could just go do it on there own after had already told them NO one night. share your thoughts and opinions on this matter please. if you need more info let me know, but youll probably see me asking a lot of parenting questions here now to get a outsiders perspective on my house rules.
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So if I have this straight, you are stepdad to these 2 girls and you and mom sometimes disagree on the way of how to handle things. Is that correct? First I want to say you might want to join the step family forum on here - I have found it very helpful! But anyway - I'm not sure I see babying as the same thing. When I think of babying I think of it as over protection. I am not sure that there is such a thing as good babying? I mean, comfort a child that is hurt or upset, but to me that is different.
I have to say there are some things your stepdaughters may do that irritate you and mom may not give it a 2nd thought. That is just the 2 of you being different. So sit down and talk about things that get to you so she knows. Then hopefully you all can reach an agreeement and she will respect your feelings. Do remember they are children and not only can they be a handful at times, but they need constant reminding.
A few tips for you and mom - if youngest is having a hard time listening, try using a timer. My son is 6 and often difficult to get moving. I tell him in advance "you need to take a bath in 10 minutes". Then I set a timer for 10 minutes and when it dings - he is there. Preparing him is a big help.
Also - a good book I recommend - that can also get you and mom on the same page - is called "1-2-3 Magic". It has helped a great deal for my son who is very sensitive and strong willed. Good luck!
A wise elder parent once told me to let the consequences be the driving factor. If they make a mess in the bathroom (any bathroom) THEY clean it up. my son is almost 7 and I make him take a towel and sopp up all the water he splashed. Then I make him take the wet towel down 2 flights of stairs to put it up to dry. I don't mind the mess so much after that and he's happy he got to be a bit wild.
The other thing to remember is that kids just sometimes have meltdowns and for them, it's not about them trying to be disobedient or break rules -- it's them letting off steam. maybe stress gets pent up all day trying to sit still in school, or whatever and it just comes out. When my son blows his top every day right before dinner, I expect it. WE call it the witching hour. My main goal then is to get him to blow it off without being mean to the family. It takes time, but he's coming around.
I like what tjm wrote about saying "bath time is at X:XX sharp" -- my son does much much better when I give him advance notice. He'll usually be waiting for me, ready to go when I do that. Good luck.
Indeed, the primary issue is that your wife get the help that she needs. If you don't trust her decision making and clarity of judgement, its all down hill from there.
As for the bath thing, which I know is not the real issue, I just want to add something, only because what you said REALLY strikes a chord with me, as someone who lived the same way for a long time. I was always VERY methodical about how I dried myself off so that not a drop of water would get on the floor. For me, this revealed two things. Control issues, and OCD. For your benefit, and the benefit of your family, I would encourage you to consider your attachment to this rigidity. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you keep the floor dry, and you are certainly entitled to do so, but when it carries over to the kids, it could become unhealthy. Its not reasonable, as a parent, to think that they won't splash... and as little kids, ya know, that time is precious and short, and its FUN to splash. Yes, there should be a time for fun, and a time for structure, but really, why can't bath time be fun? I was just watching my kids having a ball the other day doing something similar that, in the past, would have sent me into a control freak mode. I, instead, sat back, took note of how much more relaxed I am these days, and enjoyed watching them be kids. That doesn't mean that they can just get away with "whatever"... but as it relates to the bath... it will benefit YOU if you can let yourself enjoy their pleasure, let them splash it up, like kids do, watch the delight on their faces, and then, when bath time is over, have them take responsibility for cleaning up the mess.
Now, when I get out of the shower, I just step out onto my towel, and there is a bit of liberation that I feel in actually having learned to be ok with that towel getting WET! Its ok. Neither you nor the bathroom floor is going to catch fire for it. Just make sure the puddles get cleaned up before someone comes through in socks. ugh. THAT is and will always be a great pet peeve! lol. wet socks.