Hi & welcome!

So if I have this straight, you are stepdad to these 2 girls and you and mom sometimes disagree on the way of how to handle things. Is that correct? First I want to say you might want to join the step family forum on here - I have found it very helpful! But anyway - I'm not sure I see babying as the same thing. When I think of babying I think of it as over protection. I am not sure that there is such a thing as good babying? I mean, comfort a child that is hurt or upset, but to me that is different.

I have to say there are some things your stepdaughters may do that irritate you and mom may not give it a 2nd thought. That is just the 2 of you being different. So sit down and talk about things that get to you so she knows. Then hopefully you all can reach an agreeement and she will respect your feelings. Do remember they are children and not only can they be a handful at times, but they need constant reminding.

A few tips for you and mom - if youngest is having a hard time listening, try using a timer. My son is 6 and often difficult to get moving. I tell him in advance "you need to take a bath in 10 minutes". Then I set a timer for 10 minutes and when it dings - he is there. Preparing him is a big help.

Also - a good book I recommend - that can also get you and mom on the same page - is called "1-2-3 Magic". It has helped a great deal for my son who is very sensitive and strong willed. Good luck!

something i guess maybe i should of mensioned is my wife has been having a lot of delussional thought paterns and irrational behavior lately (from what i believe to be paranoid personality disorder). we normally agree on things and have open minds. im just questioning more now to make sure were doing things right rather than just listening to her. i appreciate your advice, and will try being more consistant on the timer thing (tried it before but not consistant)

Hi there. Have you asked for the reason of her decision? Maybe if you understand why she allows these things you will A. be less annoyed by them, or B. explain to her why you think your method is better. Also, instead of that if you want to avoid the conversation all together, you might try a different method yourself, along the lines of hey I got you some special princess shampoo it will make your hair extra pretty tomorrow, try it out. Or If you get done in a neat and timely manner we can have an extra bedtime story with cool voices or something fun after to distract from the bedtime trauma. And mention the story before the tantrum. So, it's not a bribe. It would seem more like a treat.

I think the main issue here is not bathtime, it is the problems your wife is having. I think you need to address the root issues because it is only going to start coming out in more and more different ways.

I think what the girls need most is consistence. No means No most of the time. And when it doesn't it's OK to tell them "we've changed our minds because ___".

A wise elder parent once told me to let the consequences be the driving factor. If they make a mess in the bathroom (any bathroom) THEY clean it up. my son is almost 7 and I make him take a towel and sopp up all the water he splashed. Then I make him take the wet towel down 2 flights of stairs to put it up to dry. I don't mind the mess so much after that and he's happy he got to be a bit wild.

The other thing to remember is that kids just sometimes have meltdowns and for them, it's not about them trying to be disobedient or break rules -- it's them letting off steam. maybe stress gets pent up all day trying to sit still in school, or whatever and it just comes out. When my son blows his top every day right before dinner, I expect it. WE call it the witching hour. My main goal then is to get him to blow it off without being mean to the family. It takes time, but he's coming around.

I like what tjm wrote about saying "bath time is at X:XX sharp" -- my son does much much better when I give him advance notice. He'll usually be waiting for me, ready to go when I do that. Good luck.

the most important thing is for you and your wife to have a united front, which means not letting the kids know that the two of you are in disagreement about how to deal with ANY issue that you may disagree on. It doesn't matter so much who is right and who is wrong, if the two of you are at odds about it in front of the kids, then everyone loses. You didn't indicate whether that was happening, so just file it where it belongs.

Indeed, the primary issue is that your wife get the help that she needs. If you don't trust her decision making and clarity of judgement, its all down hill from there.

As for the bath thing, which I know is not the real issue, I just want to add something, only because what you said REALLY strikes a chord with me, as someone who lived the same way for a long time. I was always VERY methodical about how I dried myself off so that not a drop of water would get on the floor. For me, this revealed two things. Control issues, and OCD. For your benefit, and the benefit of your family, I would encourage you to consider your attachment to this rigidity. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you keep the floor dry, and you are certainly entitled to do so, but when it carries over to the kids, it could become unhealthy. Its not reasonable, as a parent, to think that they won't splash... and as little kids, ya know, that time is precious and short, and its FUN to splash. Yes, there should be a time for fun, and a time for structure, but really, why can't bath time be fun? I was just watching my kids having a ball the other day doing something similar that, in the past, would have sent me into a control freak mode. I, instead, sat back, took note of how much more relaxed I am these days, and enjoyed watching them be kids. That doesn't mean that they can just get away with "whatever"... but as it relates to the bath... it will benefit YOU if you can let yourself enjoy their pleasure, let them splash it up, like kids do, watch the delight on their faces, and then, when bath time is over, have them take responsibility for cleaning up the mess.

Now, when I get out of the shower, I just step out onto my towel, and there is a bit of liberation that I feel in actually having learned to be ok with that towel getting WET! Its ok. Neither you nor the bathroom floor is going to catch fire for it. Just make sure the puddles get cleaned up before someone comes through in socks. ugh. THAT is and will always be a great pet peeve! lol. wet socks.