Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

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6 year old masterbating?

Hello,

I am fairly new here and there might already be thread about this, I am too lazy to look for it. :) My daughter likes to stack pillows between her legs, and bury her head in them while rocking back and forth. It seems like she has done this for close to a couple years now. She's an only child, and she used to do it on the living room couch, until we told her that this is something that she should do only when she is alone, and in her room. She calls it "exercising".

Not knowing what is 'normal' and I will ask our family dr. next week at an appointment, I just wanted to find out if any other parent's kids do this or some variation there of. She also seems to me to be prematurely boy crazy, she is always talking about a certain 9 year old boy she likes and calls her boyfriend. One day she came home crying because he told her to leave him alone. Anyway - any insight? Anything I can do to slow this down?? Mom's not ready!!!

Thank you---

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Children as young as two have been known to masturbate. I don't know if that makes you feel any better. The crush on the older boy is perfectly normal as well. She is just modeling behavior that she has witnessed. My 7 year old boy has a little girl that has been trying to kiss him daily for a 1/12 now. Don't take it too seriously she has not real idea what she is saying at this point. Keep the lines of communication open.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My niece and nephew have done the rubbing of the pillows. My 5 yr old is always butt naked at night and caught often checking herself out. I don't know if she does it because it feels good or if she's just interested in this thing that's always covered. From everything I know by other parents and doctors it's very normal.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yes I think it is normal. And the boyfriend thing is normal to. They are way ahead any more....or we all were just slow pokes not sure.
Maybe even check her or ask her if she has an itch down there. When I notice my little one doing that, she lets me check her (7 years old) and I also ask her and she usually has a itch so I get the cream and have her put it on and go over the rules agin about using tolet paper after going potty.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for the responses, ladies! :) They put my mind at ease for sure.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My 6 year old boy found himself last year. It's been a battle, but I just tell him that he needs to go somewhere private.
deleted_user
deleted_user

masterbating is normal. you discover that something feels good, and you do it. normal. nothing to be alarmed about if she is minding your direction that its private. If she is not, then simply direct her without judgement or distress. Don't turn it into the forbidden fruit, ya know. There is nothing dirty about it, no stigma. Just stress the privacy issue.

As far as the boy thing goes... hang on to your hat! As parents, life comes at us fast!

I think the key is to just teach them to respect themselves and to pray!

Hopefully as parents we can have a fulfilling enough relationship with our children that they don't go out seeking the approval of others to make up for some inner sense of lack. I don't know, its just a hunch... but I know that when my self esteem was at its lowest was the time that I was most easily taken advantage of by others, both in terms of friendships and opposite sex relationships. Self esteem is the key, I'm guessing. I'm no expert, though.

Teach her that her 'private' area is a treasure, and that she needs to protect her treasure until she is ready to get married. I know it sounds old fashioned, and many children won't wait as long as we would like, but I really think that our best hope is in telling them that its special, not shameful. Like any treasure, there are going to be people who will want to steal it. I think its a balance in how to present it so that we don't instill undue paranoia, but still a healthy sense of fear. And as the child becomes mature enough to understand, let her know about the risk of not only pregnancy but also disease.

My daughter has known since she was 4 that the eggs are already inside of her which will grow into her babies... this actually could help in making her mindful about drug usage too... I'm hopeful. It wasn't my plan... it was just part of what came out when I was pregnant with her brother, but it couldn't hurt.

Brace yourself. If you don't know God by this point in parenting, well... I don't know how people manage through without knowing Him. I'd be a wreck!
deleted_user
deleted_user

OH my gosh! My 6 year old has been doing this for a while too and we just haven't known what to say or do about it. She puts a blanket in between her legs at bedtime and calls it 'pumping'. She is also boy crazy. I feel better to know she isn't the only one!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I will suggest a book; Everything you never wanted your kids to know about sex by Justin Richardson and Mark A. Schuster. This book is great and was recommended to me and stbx through parent cordination. Just go to Barnes and Noble and sit down and read it for a while and I am sure you will purchase it.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My daughter used to straddle her ball and rock back and forth. I knew why she was doing what she was doing even if she didn't. I would explain to her that you understand that her "exercising" feels good but she must to this in the privacy of her room. By the way-this is perfectly normal!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Both of my girls did it... one more than the other. Just like those before me, I explained to them that they needed to do it in the privacy of their room. The hardest part of the whole thing was explaining to MY HUSBAND that this was perfectly normal. He would have a coronary everytime he saw it and scream my name 'til I came running. I still giggle everytime I think of it!
deleted_user
deleted_user

My son is 6 years old and I have noticed almost the same thing. I am reading up on this because I don't want to react in a way that will make him uncomfortable or think he's doing something wrong.

It's funny, though, when we first noticed it and asked him what he was doing...he said "exercising", too.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My daughter turned 7 in November, and since I wrote the original post the frequency of the 'exercising' has greatly diminished. My husband didn't like her doing it, but I took the approach that it was ok as long as it was in her room alone with the door closed. I think it was a self-soothing thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My son is 5, he started touching when he was 3. Until recently is was mostly in the tub, now it is more of an intentional thing. We tell him to do it in private and I had my husband talk to him. I was actually very proud of how well he did with this as I wasn't sure he wanted anything to do with the conversation.

I will tell you what my sons Dr. said to me when I brought up the frequency, but keep in mind this was advise about a boy and I don't know what the issues for girls are so I would ask.

I was told that no matter how often it was pretty much normal. The only thing to look out for was if he was doing this while laying on his tummy and smothering. I guess this type of behavior can be dangerous, due to the lack of oxygen as well as a habit thing where one needs the deprivation.

I would say so long as she is breathing normally... its fine. Just the matter of trying to teach its OK but in privacy and we don't really talk about it in public. (my son has loudly informed me his 'penis was up and wouldn't go down" in public.

O the joys
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have never really caught my boys doing anything but they have noticed when they are bigger.
I explained a little about it and just when we talk about good touches/bad touches I remind them that our bodies are designed to feel good but it's private- bathroom or bedroom.

My oldest is truing 11 and i hope i never catch him at this point! lol
deleted_user
deleted_user

It is perfectly normal.