I'm a 29 y/o female and I seem to have trouble with paranoia in relationships. I haven't been diagnosed but I've always had trouble with thinking my partner is cheating on me. I was exposed to cheating when I was very young - my Dad cheated on my Mum and moved out when I was 5 years old. Then his new partner cheated on him and left when I was 12. My first serious relationship was when I was 19 and he was 28. I fell head over heels but then I started to feel paranoid that he was cheating on me a few months into it. I found myself looking for evidence and I even confronted him which he told me he wasnt cheating and would never but eventually I found a message on his phone from his ex that confirmed my fears. The next boy I dated for 6 months and again, a few months in found myself getting paranoid about other women. I ended it and now I'm long out of it I can look back and know I was being paranoid and that there was no one else, he genuinely cared for me. My next serious relationship was when I was 22 and I moved in with someone for a couple of years. Again, paranoia kicked in and i accused him of there being something between him and his boss. Then him and his ex. He told me he wasnt cheating then again i found a message on his phone from his ex, he didnt play mind games like my first boyfriend, he owned up to it and moved out. It took me years to feel like I could try dating someone again and when I was 28, i bumped into someone i had very briefly dated in school. We started dating and it was going great, he treated me nicely, but as usual a few months in my paranoia started again. He had told me from day 1 he stayed friends with his ex because it was a completely mutual break up and at first i believed him. Then i stopped believing him when my paranoid thoughts started to creep in. It got worse and he said he wanted me to trust him and I didnt. We stayed in touch at arms length for the past 2 and a half and he's not dated anyone since (that I know of). I dated someone in the middle, guess why it didnt work out. I clearly have an issue with trusting people especially when an ex is involved. The man i got back in touch with from school and I have been spending more and more time together and it began to change around christmas. On NYe, he invited me to spend the evening with his family and friends at his. He has asked me on a date next week and I said yes but I'm so scared I'm going to let my paranoid thoughts take over. His ex (who he's never his his friendship with) has moved to London 4 months ago and this weekend he is going to visit, but he's staying at hers. He told me about it before anything had changed between us and he still maintains there's been nothing between them since they broke up 4 years ago. He just wanted to stay friends with her because they had known each other in school and throughout their 20's so it was like an old school friend. I told him that i felt uncomfortable with him staying over if we were to continue dating and he said he understood and would be willing to compromise. Why do I still feel paranoid though? He's done everything I've asked to try and make me feel comfortable, he's not hiding anything from me and trying to talk me through everything, but I still feel these paranoid thoughts creep in. I'm functional in all other aspects of life so I dont feel like I can talk to my friends about it. I don't know who to turn to for support really.
I feel like everyone i talk to or come across is out to get me somehow? Like theyll screenshot our text conversations and use them against me?? Even if its just a normal conversation?
Things havent been so well latley, and i guess because of that my anxiety and paranoia are almost constant. I recently started talking to a friend ive lost touch with, and for some reason i feel that she has been intimate with my ex., that she tells him everything i say, screenshots my posts on social media and sends them to him. the 3 of us have been friends since high school, and now im just...