so its been a while since my dad has physically hurt me, probably in the month of december. he disowned me and made me completely suicidal by telling me im screwing up everyones lives and telling me i shudnt even be alive right now. i get triggered by loud noises and locked/closed rooms.theres this quiet period usually where he gains my trust back and then does stuff all over again. this quiet period has lasted quite longer than a week(since xmas), so im wondering if i should start letting him back in again or if im just paranoid. he bought me a big gift, which is usually his form of apology, but he made me pretty suicidal. idk if im just paranoid or if i should accept how nice hes being and let him back in. idk. i feel so dang paranoid and really, really afraid.
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