I am 38 weeks pregnant and I am supposed to be getting labor induction in 9 days. I had to beg my doc to do this because I can no longer live like this with a bbay inside me feeling the way I do. There are very little meds you can take for panic and anxiety while pregnant but one that i could take was zoloft and it made me feel completely suicidal. and only after 3 days. Im not so sure if it was the meds because i was haveing thoughts of suicide before that, but my feelings seemed to increase even more after taking them. I thought my labor induction would make me feel better but all it had done is made me evem more anxious and panicky. I have some unreasonable thoughts going on in my head and I cant seem to stop them. They are there everyday and every second of everyday. They are there so much that i think these thoughts are actually true. I feel like there is always something on tv or something someone says to remind me of these horrible thoughts. My therapist says that it is my anxiety that makes me focus on these things that in truth have no meaning at all and if i wasnt suffering from anixety i wouldnt pay any attention to these things at all. I consider them to be signs of doom because there is always something. I am trying so hard not to think this way, but it never stops. I dont know how i am going to make it for the next 9 days, which is amazing to me because i have been suffering with this for a while now. I never really knew i had this problem, especially with self-medicated with marijuana for so long. This is a hell and sometimes i feel like ending it all just to make the thoughts stop. The baby is the only reason why i haven't actually done anything. But i cant stand this, I cant stand myself. If i am going to obsess about something, fine. But why does there always have to be some daily reminder that coincidently takes place to remind me of what i am obsessing about. Wouldnt you take it as aign?
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