Is there some sort of support group in your area that you could attend and meet others that would understand what you are going through? I know it's a living hell, but you can get through it. Never give up.

Gosh, you sound so much like me! We can get through this though, we just have to. If you ever need to talk, even on the phone, please message me. You aren't alone.

People cannot beleive I suffer from anxiety/panic disorder, they say it's impossible to tell. That seems to make it more difficult for them to sympathize. I was at the same exact place as you are, couldn't make it out to the stores, to church, and was sheer torture to get to work everyday. The pressure was on me, for being the 'breadwinner'. I'd come home one giant achy mess from the anxiety torturing me all day. I lost my dad and my father-in-law within 2 weeks of each other 2 years ago. The two men I admired the most, looked up to, were gone. I felt so alone, helpless, and like all the responsibilty of theirs fell on me. Like the chain of command all of a sudden shifted from them to me. Was too much to bear. I started to have panic attacks in my sleep at that time, and went back to the doctor the beginning of this year. What hit me the most was I've been suffering since childhood. I'm 42 now. This is not a way to 'live'. I'm determined to make my remaining years not 'as good as it gets' but 'as good as I can make it'. You're not alone, and the beauty of a place like this is that you can see others who know how you feel. :)

This will pass sweetie. Your not alone.

Thank you Dawn, I won't give up. It's not in my nature. But, man this hurts sometimes. There are no support groups near my home. I live in a small town. I can look for one but I may have to drive further away. It's a thought. =)
Kimi, it does sound like we have alot in common, I will msg you. =)
John, wow... you've come a long way. We all have in our struggles, I suppose.
And, Looloo thank you as well. Yes... I do hope "This too shall pass."
Right now all I see is grey. This cloud that lingers over my head, heavy and dark. =(
Another day! Another chance!
Thanks you guys!

with the exception of physically losing my parents, i totally know how you feel. im in the same exact situation. i have family, but they don't understand. they basically dont exsist. and its hard to have this great job, and then try to explain to your boss that you're not crazy or a slacker, that you have this thing that they wouldn't or couldn't possibly understand.

my best wishes for you.

Honestly Tina,
Even when my parents were alive. They never understood. In their eyes I was week and that was not allowed..period. So I fully understand what you are going through. Especially, in the work force. Having panic make things hellish, having Bipolar disorder sometimes brought me through. If that's believable... Sounds crazy, I know. No pun, really.
=) I think that may be one of my biggest fears. People thinkimg I'm a loon just because I take meds. Aheemmmmmm. I wish I didn't care at all. I never used to care what people thought. Now, my own insecurities have caught up with me.
Thanks for the relpy sweets!

Hi Ireland. I feel very ashamed when I go to pick up my meds at Walgreens (i take Wellbutrin and Xanax). I also hide from people when I have to take them. I feel like its a weakness on my part that I need them. But I am starting to see that it isn't a weakness, some of my anxiety and depression is enviromental (like what is happened in my life) and some is organic. I only recently found out that my mom had panic attacks and my dad had lived most of his life dealing with depression. So I am learning to be kinder to myself. And I am trying to learn to value my worth. I want to learn to feel worthy of people's love and attention. This is so hard to do. Ireland, you are so worthy as a woman and as a friend. Find a support group and also lean on us here. We are all walking the same path. And isn't Kimi just about the sweetest person? I is very supportive of me too. Please be good to yourself. -- Julia

Funny u said "groundhog day" thats what I say sometimes to describe my life. I have pa's/anxiety/depression. I didn't lose my friends over it but I could tell when talking to them, they didn't understand or were starting to avoid me. So thats when I decided to seek help or find help of somekind on-line.. This way I've met some great friends who are all going thru most of the same things and they have helped me tremendously. I also went to the docs. Have you done that yet?? My friends and some family, we discuss my problems sometimes but not as much anymore since I can come on here and chat. In a way I'm sorta mad at them, cuz if they were going thru this I would like to think I would listen or help them. But I guess you never know. If your not going thru it then u can't understand it.. I hope things get better for u...xoxoxoox:)

Sweety my heart and prayers go out to you. You are not alone, I assure you , there are tons of people on here that can be a kind shoulder to you. I too can share my own advice with you as well as others. Keep your head up and your eyes to the heavens. Things will get betterin time. I know that is such an old cliche but sweety i too have seen so much pain and heartbreak in the past few years i know WE can get through it. Please call upon me on here anytime you need to VENT or just to let it all fall by rthe way side.... LOVE AND HUGS

Julia, you hit the nail on the head. We do have to be good to ourselves. For so long, I've always taken care of other's and not myself. I've loved everyone else and *not* myself. Wow, did I just say that?
Truth be told... it is time to love Ireland. And... others too, but without negleting myself in hte process. I too believe it is ecosystemic. (childhood, present, surroundings etc...) But I also believe there is a biological contributer to this madness. Like you, both of my parents suffered from one kind of mental illness or another. I hit the genetic jackpot of sorts. JOY! ;) Thank you for saying I am worthy. It means alot to me. And, yes Kimi is a sweetheart! :)
Tonie, yes I do see a P-Doc and I am on meds. Too many, really. =( So I think, anyway. My friends did the same thing. Kinda avoided the subject altogether. Perhaps in hopes, it would all go away and they would have their "Old Ireland Back" As they put it. And I agree with you. I guess they can't really understand. Since they have no idea what it feels like. But I used to always say if you cared enough. Pick up a book, anything. If you love me enough, just try... yanno. =(
Life can be hard. This place seems so great, I wanna pinch myself... he he. You all are very supportive. ;)
I have been through sooooo much. But I am determined to beat this somehow.
And lasly to Brokesoul, thankyou for your assurance, luv and hugs! I will keep my eyes on the stars.
xoxoxoxo
You All Are So Great!

Regards, Ireland

I am sorry to hear what you are going through such a hard time but many of us went through the same and we over came it. It took me about 6 months of sufaring before I went to the doctor and I am sorry that I did not go before hand. Doctors have many good medicine. My insurance has a number of support groups and I went to them. They are very helpful. Do you have insurance? Do feel alone, I am here for you and many others. Take care. dafna

Thank you Dafna,
My insurance does not have any support groups. =( I did do an out patient thing, that helped alot but the Insurance will only pay to go for so long. So I hold on to fear life to my therapy sessions. I am going to keep looking though, I am still fairly new to this city.
Ty!! =)

Try to find a department of mental health in your area. Typically, the county you live in will offer all kinds of help, such as support groups, therapy on a reduced scale and the names of services in your area. Try to find the Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. Great book, it helped me out tremendously!

hi,

I am sad for you feeling alone.
Please write me any and many times I am here. I care.Please Stay strong