So I am writing this more to myself, but if it helps you than good. I need to write my feelings down right now because my heart feels like it is going to explode out of my chest. I woke up shaking and with a pounding heartbeat. I took Cipro around 8 p.m. and was freaking out over taking a new med, that I worried myself into a panic attack. I know my fear is irrational, but it still scares me. I just took a clonazapam hoping that will make me feel a little better. I am tired, and want to sleep, but am afraid that I will be woken up again. I just checked my pulse and it has slowed down, but now I am still shaky and tense. I long for a day that I will feel normal. Does anyone else have a fear of taking new meds? I kept looking over and over at the side effects and everything I felt I thought it was a side effect....and in reality it was probably just in my head. But it's funny how you can trick your mind. I can write this and it makes sense, but I still have an irrational fear. I think I have actually developed a phobia. I have never had an allergic reaction to meds, and I take Lexapro daily, so go figure. Whenever I get new medicine, the first thing I do is freak out over the side effects. I know they have to list everything, and I know I shouldnt even read them, but I obsess over them and think that I will be the .0001% person to die, or get something strange. Every since I was little I would worry, and now that I am a mom I worry about everything...including dying and leaving my son without a mother. I feel like I am missing out on so much of life because I worry all the time and this worry eats at me. If it's not one thing it's another. I worry about medicine, flying, being alone, and sometimes even new food. Gosh...writing this actually makes me see how bad I have gotten over the years. I guess I just tried living with the way "I am" but now I know I need some counseling. ha ha ha. So it helped writing this down, and I hope that it can be an inspiration to others...that sometimes writing things down can answer your own question. I need some therapy, and to try and not worry so much...because I know that worrying will not solve anything. It will only make me stay awake when I want to sleep.
Posts You May Be Interested In
My husband has aspergers, so probably do all his brothers and guess what so it seems does my Dad atleast one of my brothers and two of my brothers seem to have married people with aspergers or someone with aspergers in their family. And I will add that my mother is not 'normal' either but I don't know what she has....I probaly dont have to tell you that Christmas has always been really...