So I am writing this more to myself, but if it helps you than good. I need to write my feelings down right now because my heart feels like it is going to explode out of my chest. I woke up shaking and with a pounding heartbeat. I took Cipro around 8 p.m. and was freaking out over taking a new med, that I worried myself into a panic attack. I know my fear is irrational, but it still scares me. I just took a clonazapam hoping that will make me feel a little better. I am tired, and want to sleep, but am afraid that I will be woken up again. I just checked my pulse and it has slowed down, but now I am still shaky and tense. I long for a day that I will feel normal. Does anyone else have a fear of taking new meds? I kept looking over and over at the side effects and everything I felt I thought it was a side effect....and in reality it was probably just in my head. But it's funny how you can trick your mind. I can write this and it makes sense, but I still have an irrational fear. I think I have actually developed a phobia. I have never had an allergic reaction to meds, and I take Lexapro daily, so go figure. Whenever I get new medicine, the first thing I do is freak out over the side effects. I know they have to list everything, and I know I shouldnt even read them, but I obsess over them and think that I will be the .0001% person to die, or get something strange. Every since I was little I would worry, and now that I am a mom I worry about everything...including dying and leaving my son without a mother. I feel like I am missing out on so much of life because I worry all the time and this worry eats at me. If it's not one thing it's another. I worry about medicine, flying, being alone, and sometimes even new food. Gosh...writing this actually makes me see how bad I have gotten over the years. I guess I just tried living with the way "I am" but now I know I need some counseling. ha ha ha. So it helped writing this down, and I hope that it can be an inspiration to others...that sometimes writing things down can answer your own question. I need some therapy, and to try and not worry so much...because I know that worrying will not solve anything. It will only make me stay awake when I want to sleep.
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