Hi, I never thought I would join anything like this but I am starting to feel desperate as I seem to be developing more and more symptoms(the latest panic attacks). This is very difficult for me as I am a mental health professional and feel this is something i should be able to deal with or shouldnt be experiencing at all. I feel weak. I have also joined the OCD, Anxiety and Eating disorder communities. I cant believe im writing this down!!! I think its getting to the point where I need some outside help as im loosing control of it all.
It started at a young age with me throwing up a meal, I dont think I have an eating disorder as I can control this one and its only on accasion. Then for as long as I can remember Ive been switching plugs off and then checking them again before I go to bed. Now I seem to be incorporating more and more rituals at night, such as checking the doors are locked (back door then front door), checking where my phone, keys and purse are before I go to bed etc. im sure im boring you now as this does not seem to be new on here!! Theres other stuff I have to do too, i.e check the gas and so on. If I dont do this I think terrible things will happen to one member of my family. I know it sounds stupid but its just easier to do them all than face the physical reaction I get if I dont! I also think alot about death and dying. Now if this isnt enough to deal with iv started having panic attacks at work when I have to go to meetings so now I avoid that situation the best I can, or make up some excuse like I feel sick and have to leave the room... its so embarrasing. I dont know what to do, Ive tried challenging myself, but I cant go to a professional or doctor due to my job!! Any suggestions would be greatly appraciated. Thanks for your time xx