I am really having a hard day today its really hit me that my dad really died and is gone. I had a really hard night last night and just feel so empty and sad. I feel really anxious and panicky I really dont know what I feel anymore. I miss my dad so much already. He died last night at 4:39 pm. I slept for a little while last night like an hour maybe but had night mare after night mare. and it was horrible. I just needed to vent and get stuff off my mind. alot of people have been asking what the update was and what was going on and so there it is. I just want a day where I dont feel anxious or panicky and dont have a million panic attacks in one day. i am trying really hard to get through all this mess but I just want to give up. and I am trying to stay strong but its like every thing reminds me of him. I had a pretty bad panic attack this morning at like 3am and was so anxious and upset I just kept throwing up. and that was exactly what kept happening last night.
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