On the flip side, I can only tell you that I have, do and always will love my husband of almost thirty years.
Yet he chose to cheat on me from the very beginning of our relationship.....so...is it enough to love what and who we have? apparently not.
Hell.,....I have no answers. He tells me that he loves me and always has.
But...that's not good enough..is it? If he loves me...then why bring others into the equation?
I'm no psychologist....so for the sake of my own mental health...I have to move on......what does that make me?

Are you still having no contact or does he keep calling/e-mailing you? Have you not gotten rid of material things or old e-mails from him?
Sometimes if we hold onto things they just keep the good memories alive. I know it's very confusing to still love him. It kind of makes you wonder if it was really meant to be if your still struggling with your feelings about him after all this time. Everyone says those feelings will fade but when they don't, or just go into hibernation (because we kind of force them to sometimes) it makes for a lot of mixed emotions and questions.
The hardest thing to do is to "let go fully". It's different if the affair was just a physical one like a ons. But for those of us who "loved" each other and shared every little intimate detail of our lives, letting go just doesn't seem possible even though we're trying hard as hell to. We would be better off emotionally by doing so. Every reason to let go makes sense...it's just so friggin hard sometimes to do so. And, just when you think you have....a trigger hits and there you (not you personally) are all over again, questioning everything.
I suppose after writing all this that you see that I still struggle a bit after all this time. I have physically moved on. Emotionally, I'm not so sure.

To add, I have faith that time is on my side and I will get there...eventually.

i never really stopped loving my husband when i fell in love with OM (i repeat we never got physical) and i have gotten rid of everything. But he still lives around the corner so we see as in eyes meeting but never talking from time to time. I dont love him anymore but i still have affection for him. And i dont hate him. It is getting better over time. but love needs lots of help.

For me i have to keep going back to studying the bible. There is more to a marriage than just Love.

JuliaG, you're a woman who had enough of her husband's deficiency and got out. That is not a reflection on who you are but rather a reflection on what your husband is/was not.

Aka, I'm so close to letting go fully that I'm dealing more with knowing that I'll always love this man and I don't, fully, know what to do with that, yet. I don't mean in the sense of having contact but more in the sense of reconciling with those feelings. It is still a struggle and, like you, "I do have faith that time is on my side and I will get there". Thanks for reminding me of that. It's been a very strange month, all around, and this struggle seemed to get the best (or worse) of me recently.

notonly.. Yes, there is so much more to a marriage than just love, and I am committed to ALL of it.

Thanks all!

I am the betrayed one. I have always loved my H and thought that was enough. He always told me I was enough. I continue to question him about the affair from time to time, but now I realize that it isn't because I want to know what their relationship was like. It is because I want to know what my H is like. The affair was a real eye opener for me. I am starting to realize that the man I married is nothing like I thought he was. His behavior has given me real incite into his character and I am not liking what I see. I accept that he made a mistake. I accept that he wants me and not her. I accept that it is over and he will probably never do it again. Unfortunately now I am questioning whether this person that he has shown himself to be, is who I really want.

Affairs really do screw everything up.

I meant insight. I sure am having trouble typing lately.