
Out of the Fog Community Group
For those who are done with their affair and want to make things better. Please be respectful of others in your posts. Rants, tirades, replies that are off topic, etc. will be deleted.

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Is it enough just to love? I love my husband, my children and my life. Is that enough? It should be. And yet, this big, bad, ugly thing has happened in my life and it has caused me way too much misery. The why of it can not be answered in any concrete way. Shouldn't it be enough to have the love of my husband the way I do have that love? Why is it that I can love someone else? I know the heart is capable of infinite love but when it's wrong to love someone else why can't I close off those feelings? I want to and I have committed myself to not follow through but SHIT, I still feel it. It's tortuous and degrading and I hate it. I want to stop these feelings and yet I can't. Does that make me weak? What does that make me???? I don't know. All I do know is that this is wrong and yet I still feel it.
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Yet he chose to cheat on me from the very beginning of our relationship.....so...is it enough to love what and who we have? apparently not.
Hell.,....I have no answers. He tells me that he loves me and always has.
But...that's not good enough..is it? If he loves me...then why bring others into the equation?
I'm no psychologist....so for the sake of my own mental health...I have to move on......what does that make me?
Sometimes if we hold onto things they just keep the good memories alive. I know it's very confusing to still love him. It kind of makes you wonder if it was really meant to be if your still struggling with your feelings about him after all this time. Everyone says those feelings will fade but when they don't, or just go into hibernation (because we kind of force them to sometimes) it makes for a lot of mixed emotions and questions.
The hardest thing to do is to "let go fully". It's different if the affair was just a physical one like a ons. But for those of us who "loved" each other and shared every little intimate detail of our lives, letting go just doesn't seem possible even though we're trying hard as hell to. We would be better off emotionally by doing so. Every reason to let go makes sense...it's just so friggin hard sometimes to do so. And, just when you think you have....a trigger hits and there you (not you personally) are all over again, questioning everything.
I suppose after writing all this that you see that I still struggle a bit after all this time. I have physically moved on. Emotionally, I'm not so sure.
For me i have to keep going back to studying the bible. There is more to a marriage than just Love.
Aka, I'm so close to letting go fully that I'm dealing more with knowing that I'll always love this man and I don't, fully, know what to do with that, yet. I don't mean in the sense of having contact but more in the sense of reconciling with those feelings. It is still a struggle and, like you, "I do have faith that time is on my side and I will get there". Thanks for reminding me of that. It's been a very strange month, all around, and this struggle seemed to get the best (or worse) of me recently.
notonly.. Yes, there is so much more to a marriage than just love, and I am committed to ALL of it.
Thanks all!
Affairs really do screw everything up.