As a single mother from conception, I had my son a week before 43. His ''symptoms'' began just after 2...I knew something was wrong...since I have bipolar...What Are YOU Doing... he's fine. Well he wasn't.
By 3 we had birth to 3 services, kindergarden, special education, DCF, Insanity! This took place through out All his school years. Today, he is 21, still in the school system through his 21 year. He is living in an assisted living facility, 3 meals a day, his own room with a lock, and medication management. AMEN
How he got there was an insane amount of hard work. Stomping on heads, stubborness, and just plain gritt...I wouldn't give up or give in...with professionals, school system or my son. I was the bitch on wheels to get him services.
First, I listened to the doctors, did what they told me to do, instead of doing my own research. When testing was done, I didn't ASK For Copies of Reports...HUGE. They gave my son a 'pill' and not searching for the 'what is causing the problem' and sent him on to other dr, psydr, therapists blah blah.
So I'd offer to anyone who has a child with so many '''diagnosis''' to 'let go of the label'. Just sit and listen to your kid, calmly when there 'is a quiet time'...they do happen. What I've learned is my kid was so overwhelmed, over stimulated, frustrated with so many people telling him what to do, All He Could Do Was Act Out to try and get Some Control...any type of 'attention' positive or negative is still 'attention'.
In today's world there are so many gadgets, electronics etc...there is no 'go outside and get in the mud play' or running around physical activity..or at least much less...big mistake, exercise reduces stress and depression. When i started to get a ball and kick it with my son before the bus arrived, he went on much more willingly...'if you eat your breakfast and get your stuff together at night, then we can kick the ball in the morning....Let Him/Her Make The Decision...another way to reduce frustration.
Two books were my Child bible, The Out Of Sync Child and The Explosive Child. The other area I'd offer is if you have a problem with school work...if your child is in special education, then Have Him/Her Do There Homework AT school...I can't tell you how wonderful, our lives changed, when this was done. All School Work is At School, Done At School..no more at the kitchen table fights, lost papers etc. I'd also let go of the ''labels'' because what a kid hears goes in deep, they begin to feel horrible about themselves, and act out even more because they '''can't do anything right'''.
If I could change anything, what I'd do differently is the "seargent mother/hovering mother"...Both Are Controling. I'd give more choices for my son to make his own decisions. I'd look for more ''teaching moments'' and not so many consequences, by using 'natural consequences'. I'd spend more ''focused time'' on things he was interested in, rather than thinking'''oh I have a break'''. I would not 'do everything' because it was 'easier to do it myself' and I'd say Yes more often.
The Days Are Eternal and the Years Do Fly By. I can't believe I'm now 64 and he is 21...it happened in a blink. Look for any opportunity to be Silly, create a memory or story...there are good times if one doesn't focus on the bad all the time.
My son was diagnosed with PDDnos, adhd, odd, depression, complex partical cluster seizures, and later Aspergers, high functioning autism. I've ask my son to forgive me for not knowing how to help him, with the hope he understands I've done the best I could with what I knew/or didn't know. Cause I know I hurt him, his self esteem because of the yelling, punishing, taking things away etc. Instead today, I'd spend more time with play dough, coloring books, reading to him, and going to places to create memories..happy ones.
Today I'm trying to make up for having to put him in a homeless shelter in order to get him services through the state. Yes, he spent 5 weeks in a homless shelter inorder to get him where he is. We have a good relationship and have become much more close as ""I"" have changed the way I speak to him, not telling him what to do...just options and consequences...he makes his own decision...of course age appropriate.
We laugh, he calls me a Brat and I do the same back to him. He is my Angel With Horns, and I feel Blessed. So yes there is hard stuff, but there is Good Stuff Too, like water and life..ebbs and flows. Kids Don't ebb and flow...they are little hurricanes, they Need To Run and Play outside...go to a gym, swimming, walking whatever Outdoors and away from computers, electronics...the Stop them at least an hour before bed...do some research on depression, hyper activity, problem behaviors resulting from electronics.
I just joined this group, so I'll be trying to help with questions...All The Best To You!! You've got the Hardest Job, with no pay and Huge responsibility...my heart goes out to you as there were days where I really thought I'd go out of my mind.