I'm sorry I can't help you but I can commiserate if you will. I have an 8 year old that has been trying to destroy me since the day she was born. I sometimes think she just hates me. You are right it is like living with an abusive husband the cycle is the similar and you know you are going to push them over the edge so they have the rage....beat you up but then they are fine for a while (the honeymoon period). I always said I would never live with a man who treated me like crap but then I get this beautiful little girl who tells me regularly that I am stupid or an idiot. I ask for help and am told that I need to "modify my behavior", I am not allowed to show any emotion or get angry because that is playing into her rage. I don't think I helped you much.....sorry

I appreciate your response. At least I know I'm not alone. Staying calm and being the one, who always behaves correctly is wearing on me. It's getting harder and harder for my husband as well. Its hard for him to remember that our son has ODD/ADHD sometimes. It was easier when he was little, but now our son is 6'0 with a bad attitude and hubby is finding it more difficult, not just to punch him out. My husband's perception is that there is an adult, man yelling at his wife and disrespecting her and his home. I'm just feeling really sick, and tired right now. I know it will pass, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment.

i understand you and i feel the same i some times wish that i could have aday of peace . it is hard being a parent of a chanllening child . it seems that nothing works so i have learned to take it day by day and try to not stress out as much . sorry you feel this way

I can't help but smile, because I totally understand what you are trying to say! My son turned 13 this past september and WHOLLY MOLLY!! Hormones just should NOT have been part of the deal! LOL! My son has ADHD, OCD, ODD and anxiety, plus I am bipolar, so he probaly is as well. All I think about now is, "how on earth did my Mom survive raising me!" He drives me bonkers sometimes!! But then he will turn around and do something extrodinary, something unselfish, and I know he's still here with me, not lost into himself. Yes, sometimes I feel complete attacked by him and learned early to tell him that I didn't like him when he was being mean to me, but that I still loved him. Now, when he does this verbal attack, or disrespectful attitude, I tell him that I didn't derserve to be talked to like that and that I didn't like it. I can still send him to his room, which I am guessing you can't, so I still have that for a few months at least. Sometimes I have wanted a divorce as well. Once, when he was little he said I was fired! I got really excited and thanked him. He never did it again, tho. :( When he told me that he hated me, I said, "You're supposed to! I am your Mom!" He didn't say it much after that either because he knew I wouldn't fall into it. Relationships with them, I am finding now, Are way harder as they move into their independance and that may be part of the problem. As much as we want them to grow up...we sometimes seem to hang on tighter and not know we are doing it. I understand what you said about your husband and how he sees your son. I have the exact same problem. Weird, huh? It really, really REALLY makes it sooooooostressful when you know that there is extra conflict going on around you. Do you find that you try alot to mediate between them in order to keep the peace? I do. And I can only take so much of the pressure to keep everything balanced before I find I get completely exhausted mentally and emotionally. Testosterone. It is something I don't think I will ever understand. Well, now that I have talked your ear off......LOL! Good luck! Take some time for yourself!!!! Find a hobby OUTSIDE THE HOUSE AWAY FROM THEM!!!! It has helped me! :)