Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own feelings.

1 Online
1 Online

ODD child is destroying my family

7 year old stepson.

He has been in my life for more than 6 years.

Currently sees a psychiatrist, who prescribes medication for ODD, ADHD, Mood Disorder, and general delays in learning.

Largest problems is the lies that he tells others about his family life. Lies such as "My parents make me sleep covered in spiders" "My parents dont feed me" "My parents didnt allow me to participate in family events"

Lies have been so bad, that child services became involved. They have since seen the medical records and no wrong-doing on our part.

Lies have now expanded to try to hurt his teachers, his classmates etc.

He accepts blame for nothing. Always quick to blame others for things. Even events such as pooping himself get blamed in his sister somehow.

He will lie about everything, and even when caught and he is clearly to blame for something, will still deny it.

Temper tantrums, aggressive behaviors.

Other kids refuse to play with him because he refuses to follow the rules of organized play. Purposely annoys the other kids by walking through the kickball field, ruining whatever they are working on, bugging the kids in the classroom. Does not accept blame for these items.

He is manipulative, always looking for attention, always giving sob stories so people look at him like " a poor little child"

He is vindictive and tries to get other people in trouble (Lies at school to get the county involved etc)

Refuses to do what he is told. EXTREMELY slow in doing routine tasks (Takes 40 minutes just to put on his socks and underwear)

Everything is a fight, every request is a chore. LIes about homework, tries to get his teacher in trouble. Cries and breaks down easily. Always complains about his punishments and how he doesnt deserve them.

Punishments include not being allowed to participate in certain things (pumpkin carving) Time out, time standing in the corner, etc. There is ZERO physical punishement in the home.

We have tried everything. 2 therapists have already "fired" him saying his case is too extreme. Either way, all he does is lie to the therapists.

Feeling os hopelessness.

Because of the chaos he brings into the home, I have been put on 2 anxiety medications myself. Sometimes I feel my only escape is to leave my home.

I cant handle this anymore. Please help.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

OMG you just totally described my life.

I have a 7 year old adopted son with ODD, ADHD, RAD and so on..What you talk about from the first word to the last word is my life. You and I my dear are in the same boat. I would love to talk to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Happy to talk and share stories anytime. Feels good to not be alone.
Jameala-Camp
Jameala-Camp

I am in somewhat of the same boat as you are. My stepson has only been in my life for about 2 years now and although his behavior is not as extreme as your son's I fear he will get to that point. He does lie alot and doesn't take blame for anything. He even went as far as telling me one time that my husband had another girlfriend and didnt love me. He is taking medicine for ADHD and ODD at this time and he is going to a behavioral therapist once a week. I am also on anxiety medicine. It used to help but now since I am 9 months pregnant I think it barely does the trick. I have some kind of hope from reading these discussion boards and commenting but sometimes I myself dont know what to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My SO's daughter has ODD and ADHD is now 16 but we have been together since she was 12. It has caused so many problems in our relationship and in their relationship. She mentally abuses her father. It's horrible. I think she is also Bipolar and got that from her Mother. Her mother is mentally unstable and has physically and emotionally abused her so we have created a stable home for her with rules and love and a great school and therapy. She wanted none of it and ran away to her mother and stole her fathers beloved cat of 9 years, and broke his heart. She doesn't haven't have any contact now with him and is failing school, getting into trouble and running wild. He just cries because of how she broke his heart and stole from him and our home and doesn't care about us at all. She blames everything on me and him. Takes no responsibility for anything. I feel so bad for him, but I am also in a small way glad she is not causing chaos in this house anymore. I am disabled and she made my life a living hell. I however did everything I could to help her, and would again if she came back. Discipline is also in order as well. She needs structure to be healthy. I just don't know how to help my SO. He's so heartbroken.
deleted_user
deleted_user

YOu could be talking about my son. They keep telling us there is differnt ways to parent children like this.
deleted_user
deleted_user

N-O-T-H-I-N-G works. period the END.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I agree nothing does seem to work. We have done everything that is out there. The only thing really left is putting him on so many drugs that he is so dopey that he can not hurt anyone.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My Daughter just got through screaming, hiding, and arguing about the cream cheese on her toast!
Lovely way to start a morning...
Jameala-Camp
Jameala-Camp

Oh I go through the same thing. My some was screaming on Friday morning because I woudnt let him wear his pajamas to school. He was almost late.
deleted_user
deleted_user

So funny mine will scream and complain and refuse to eat if I give him cereal because he wanted toast. next day try to be kinder to him give him his toast and he refuses to eat that slop he wanted pop tart. So no matter what we do they are not happy. Let them deal with the unhappiness,. I am done trying to figure out what makes mine tick. He will be treated from now on like his siblings. If he doesn't like it he can just get overit. I have catered to him for almost 7 years. We have done it all and nothing works. Going to stop driving myself and his siblings crazy.
Jameala-Camp
Jameala-Camp

Wow that sounds so much like my son. You tell him its time to go to bed he starts crying saying he dont want to go to bed then you tell him to clean his bathroom or his room and he tells you he needs to go to bed and get some sleep. So either way you try to play it you cant win. He stole $10 out of my bedroom yesterday. Then told me he didnt take it then he turned around and came back and said he found my dollar in his bathroom. My husband and I didnt spank him we took him to the mall to finish Christmas shopping he acted like he was so unhappy hanging out with us. We even took him to a nice restaurant. He said he was full but wanted another milk shake when we told him he wasnt getting another one he ate the rest of his food then he started crying about getting another milk shake. He was even trying to get the waitress attention to order his own after me and my husband told him no. It got so bad my husband ended up carrying him out the restaurant. He was so disrespectful I had to sit him on his knees for 15 minutes when we got home. Ahhhhhhh
Jameala-Camp
Jameala-Camp

The house is finally normal because he went to his grandparents house 2 states over for the holidays.
deleted_user
deleted_user

MIne went ot grandmas for 2 days, it is also peaceful at my house . My other children have been playing with each other. no one has been hit or screamed at. This is the life my other 3 should be living each day. it is not fair to my odd child that he has this disorder but it is also just as not far to my other three that have to live in the anger and violence. Everyone says hang in there don't give up. I am not giving up I am being realistic. Should I sacrifice my other three so the one can be out of control all the time.
'
Jameala-Camp
Jameala-Camp

I completely understand. With this new baby coming any day now I am afraid he will pick up on some of the things my son do and think its ok. Thats why i plan to stay on top of the new baby as much as I can. All I can do is explain to him when he gets old enough about whats going on. Another one of my fears is that I will end up with a child that is like the guy who shot up that school. Sometimes I feel like its not fair because he isnt my child but yet I go through so much with him because I am that mother figure for him but like I said before it comes with the territory. I just hope when I have other kids they wont be affected as much. This is my first child that I am pregnant with and I plan to have more even though I am already 32. I just hope I grow more patience to be able to deal.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Are you sure we don't have the same child? My daughter is doing the same things! Prayers to you and hugs. It helps knowing that others are going through the same thing as I am.