Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
This is going to be a ramble, just going to spit it all out now.
Too emotionally exhausted at the moment to go into the history and attempts of sons behaviour.
Tonight, once again its on. He does not attend school,if i manage to get him to bed by 1.00am, its what i call a good night.
Time to myself is non-existant, i may sound selfish, but I crave me time. Constant demands from him, music or tv blaring, only leave the house to do a quick grocery grab. This has been going on now for over a year.
While other parents have time out while their child is at school, because he refuses to go to school, he looks to me for entertainment.
Day begins, he wakes up, yells out and demands a drink and a cigarette to be brought up to his room. Yes a cigarette, not proud of myself with that one. My excuse if u can call it that is if i dont supply him with smokes, the older boys (so called friends who are in and out of juvenile detention), ask him to steal for them and exchange they will buy him smokes. So yes rather them commit shoplifting, i buy the smokes. Not proud of myself but I have no control over him. Hurts to admit it, but he controls this family.
Major peeve is i took him down to the local police liason officer, hoping the officer could give him a fright, advice, and some support. This was around 7 months ago. Backfired!!!! The officer told my son that he ever saw him out after 10.00pm he would "crush him like a grape". So now the rules that he always be home by dark, are laughed at by him. His words back at me "nah I can stay out to 10.00pm.
2 weeks ago he stole a bike from a group of kids that you do not mess with. They now know where we live, came to the house, threatened to smash our house up and bash my son.
Bike was returned (long story) yet since then he has not LEFT THE HOUSE ONCE. He did wrong yes and so angry at him for now putting the family at risk. Let alone that my son stole.
Everyday I spend time playing cricket with him (in the driveway), play the playstation with him etc when I just want to be able to do other things. I cannot make phonecalls, have friends over.
Going to stop now, as even as I type this he keeps coming in and having goes at me. Reason he is carrying on tonight is because he asked me to buy him a bottle of alchol. Say no more.
If it wasnt for my daughter, ready to just walk out the door. He pushes and pushes me.
Too emotionally exhausted at the moment to go into the history and attempts of sons behaviour.
Tonight, once again its on. He does not attend school,if i manage to get him to bed by 1.00am, its what i call a good night.
Time to myself is non-existant, i may sound selfish, but I crave me time. Constant demands from him, music or tv blaring, only leave the house to do a quick grocery grab. This has been going on now for over a year.
While other parents have time out while their child is at school, because he refuses to go to school, he looks to me for entertainment.
Day begins, he wakes up, yells out and demands a drink and a cigarette to be brought up to his room. Yes a cigarette, not proud of myself with that one. My excuse if u can call it that is if i dont supply him with smokes, the older boys (so called friends who are in and out of juvenile detention), ask him to steal for them and exchange they will buy him smokes. So yes rather them commit shoplifting, i buy the smokes. Not proud of myself but I have no control over him. Hurts to admit it, but he controls this family.
Major peeve is i took him down to the local police liason officer, hoping the officer could give him a fright, advice, and some support. This was around 7 months ago. Backfired!!!! The officer told my son that he ever saw him out after 10.00pm he would "crush him like a grape". So now the rules that he always be home by dark, are laughed at by him. His words back at me "nah I can stay out to 10.00pm.
2 weeks ago he stole a bike from a group of kids that you do not mess with. They now know where we live, came to the house, threatened to smash our house up and bash my son.
Bike was returned (long story) yet since then he has not LEFT THE HOUSE ONCE. He did wrong yes and so angry at him for now putting the family at risk. Let alone that my son stole.
Everyday I spend time playing cricket with him (in the driveway), play the playstation with him etc when I just want to be able to do other things. I cannot make phonecalls, have friends over.
Going to stop now, as even as I type this he keeps coming in and having goes at me. Reason he is carrying on tonight is because he asked me to buy him a bottle of alchol. Say no more.
If it wasnt for my daughter, ready to just walk out the door. He pushes and pushes me.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
He needs to learn that YOU are in controll will be a battle but it can be done,in the summer time my son was put into care because it got to the point i didnt want to be here and he used to attack me that time was with a scissors to himself then me,this was to give him and myself a break and for me mostly to get my energy back,Since then i have a strict routine,he behaves,does as hes told he gets privaliges if he dont too bad he dont get and boy he kicks off and push the buttons
As to the attacking he knows if he does again ill call the police he has to learn he is old enough for his own actions and responiible for it hard and upsetting for myself but he has to know whats right and wrong
What jbugsmom and ab223 are spot on as well it is a power stuggle keep calm and dont back down with what you say,also have a switch off button i learned so can others
I've also locked all the doors when he tried to get in an hour and a half late, I said "oh, nowwwww you want in huh...well, consider this your last warning, next time it will be locked until morning".
Take control, tell him that you will not buy any more cigarettes for him. If he steals, you have to call the police and have him arrested. Eventually he'll get it.
On the not going to school....take a pot and a spoon in his room and bang loudly while singing a Barney song, make it so miserable that he'll WANT to go to school.
The cops don't seem to help when it comes to curfews, being lippy, etc. I threatened to pour liquid detergent down my son's throat if he didn't stop with the swearing. So far, much better.
Good luck and let us know how things go.
1.Call the local social services. They sometimes have support groups. Maybe there is a parent willing to trade a day in return for their day out.
2. Social services may also offer low cost to no cost counseling if they know the situation.
3.Do not play the games with him or you are rewarding his behavior.
4. Tell him all the chores must be done by this time 10:00 if he wants you to sit.
5.If he is older leave the house and take a time out.
6. Get the school involved to find out what the alternatives for him are. Sometimes there are alternative schools.
7. These kids usually have a loving side too and sometimes sitting down to talk to them about where you are at when things are calm can help. Draw up a contract with his ideas. A counsler at school may be able to help you.
7. Most of all do not give in to things that are bad for his health. You tell them if he makes the choices to steal that you will turn him in. It is much better they learn this young than wait till they move out. The justice under 18 is much easier than after.
These are hard things and the emotions these kids bring up in us can be overwhelming. I never feel good when I have lost it with him. I take baths to calm down or go to my room and lock the door. This is my time and I deserve a minute of peace. I also have found a spot by a creek that I can go sit cry and get myself together.
My son got better with age counseling and a few parenting class's and he respects authority figures except me. He also had a friend of mine who took him out and made him feel special. This family was a god send. When my son felt worthy he did much better in life. They prayed for him and prayer has helped me stay a bit calmer. I have to ask God for strength and have layed my hands on my son when he was sleeping and prayed to God to help him help himself.
I can feel the pain in your writing as we have all went through this turmoil. Stay strong, stay calm and I will say a prayer for you and your son.
I've been wondering how you are doing since your post. Have you had any relief or changes? I hope there's been a break in his behavior and that you have found a resolution. I feel for you and feel so bad that you are going through this. I can hear the sadness, disappointment, frustration and exhaustion in your post.
HUGE HUGS!!!!