I am weird. I don't know why I feel this way. I am like a clean freak. My fear is under control but recently it's back again and I am feeling depressed. I am worried of going to dirty and smelly places and touching dirty things that I will wash my hands after touching the thing or the thing touches me. I am simply worried of dirty germs getting into my body. I know I won't die from it but I feel very uncomfortable sometimes to the extent that I feel nausea. I will have an uncomfortable feeling if I don't wash my hands/face. I am especially conscious of my face. I don't like anything to touch my face. So if anything touch my face I will use tissue or hands to clean it. Sometimes my fear will come but sometimes it doesn't.
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I am a rape survivor. The abuse stopped in 2010. But here recently I have found that the reprocussions have started now. I have a chance with my significant other for a real future and I am struggling. I don't feel like I am worth more than I am now. And I don't want to continue the pattern