i don't want to just complain and vent on here, but i really need to reach out! i had come off all medications starting slowly in june, weening off until september. had some withdrawal symptoms and it took a while. i just started back on medications 1 1/2 weeks ago, obviously not at therapeutic levels...so it is going to take some time. i went off of meds because i never seemed to have received the benefits i had seen other people receive. i have tried so many. i have also been hospitalized twice. one of those stays was voluntarily in CBT for 2 1/2 months. i had tried no meds once before a couple of years ago and it did not go so well, so my dr put me right back on. this time, he followed me through to see if i could really do this. unfortunately, i am worse than when i was first diagnosed. i have now accepted that although the meds don't give me the results i have seen, obviously they do do something for me. i had trouble with meds for a couple of reasons, in general i live a wholistic lifestyle. the other reason is i did not want to be on anything while i was trying to start a family. the family part will not be happening now until next fall. i have talked with specialists about this. right now, i just need to get myself healthy! i am fairly new to this site and have made a couple of friends...but i am reaching out to anyone who would be willing to be there for me. life for me is really scary right now! my panic attacks are worse..i seem to be able to control them at onset, which is a good thing! i cry all the time and am extremely depressed. it is scary when you just don't know how you can do this anymore! i keep going though..one day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time, sometimes a minute. i have a loving supportive family, but i know how much it effects them. i know that i have been rambling, but it has just been a terrible day! since, its hard for me to receive affection from my family because of the whole ocd thing, which is tough because i am a very affectionate person. maybe i just needed to reach out to my new community here at daily strength. maybe i just need some extra love and support! i feel silly, but i guess we all need to ask for that sometimes. all my best to you all always! i am here for anyone who needs me! be well!
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