I'm having a hard time right now with my eating disorder. It's not that I'm restricting right now. I'm not actively trying to lose a lot of weight... just a couple of pounds. At the same time, I was hoping to quit stepping on the scales to check my weight. But guess what... as soon as I stopped stepping on scales, it became an obsession. Now, it's several times a day. Checking and rechecking. If I get rid of my scales, I restrict more because I'm not sure I'm the weight I want to be. Also, there are scales at the gym at work and I'm always checking those against the one I have at home to see if it's are accurate. I went to ED group and asked about this and am feeling that maybe that was the wrong place to ask. The consensus there seemed to lean toward getting rid of scales completely. But this is tied up with numbers (I feel I have to weight exactly 120 at all times) and though I know it's treated as a separate mental illness, I don't really think it is for me. I know the answer lies in NOT checking. But then I restrict more and I can't afford to do that. If my daughter sees that I'm restricting, she may get the wrong message. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I have no will power here. It seems that sitting with the discomfort of not checking and eating anyway is too much. It's no wonder I have fantasies about being tied to a bed in a mental ward sometimes. Maybe then, I'd behave. I'm so quick to tell others to sit with the pain. But I'm just a hypocrite! Please, everyone forgive me. And HELP!
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...