I'm having a hard time right now with my eating disorder. It's not that I'm restricting right now. I'm not actively trying to lose a lot of weight... just a couple of pounds. At the same time, I was hoping to quit stepping on the scales to check my weight. But guess what... as soon as I stopped stepping on scales, it became an obsession. Now, it's several times a day. Checking and rechecking. If I get rid of my scales, I restrict more because I'm not sure I'm the weight I want to be. Also, there are scales at the gym at work and I'm always checking those against the one I have at home to see if it's are accurate. I went to ED group and asked about this and am feeling that maybe that was the wrong place to ask. The consensus there seemed to lean toward getting rid of scales completely. But this is tied up with numbers (I feel I have to weight exactly 120 at all times) and though I know it's treated as a separate mental illness, I don't really think it is for me. I know the answer lies in NOT checking. But then I restrict more and I can't afford to do that. If my daughter sees that I'm restricting, she may get the wrong message. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I have no will power here. It seems that sitting with the discomfort of not checking and eating anyway is too much. It's no wonder I have fantasies about being tied to a bed in a mental ward sometimes. Maybe then, I'd behave. I'm so quick to tell others to sit with the pain. But I'm just a hypocrite! Please, everyone forgive me. And HELP!
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