Hi! My name is Maradith. I have dealt with obsessive thoughts off and on for years. This time it is kicking my butt! I had a panic attack about a week ago and I remember thinking "I can't handle this!" and then I remember thinking that since I thought "I can't handle this!" does that mean I am suicidal? More panic! Now the thought won't leave and it is tormenting me! Let me clarify that I don't WANT to kill myself. I have a great life, kids I want to see grow up,and a lot of things I want to do in my life. Maybe I just associated that hopeless feeling with being bad or something. Does anyone else deal with this? How do you deal with it? I am going to see a counselor tomorrow. I am really nervous about talking to her about it because I am afraid she will think I really do want to do this horrible thing. I had a psychiatrist once who made that assumption and put me in the hospital and that didn't help my fears at all, it just reinforced them! I don't want a repeat of that! Any advice on how to bring this across? By the way, I take Celexa, which I have been taking for years. I had tried to cut back on it recently which didn't work =)! I also take Ativan as needed, which helps. I hate to take it though because of the fear that I'll become addicted. Sorry this was so long, but thanks for reading! P.S. No scary stories please! I don't think I could take that just now =)!
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