I'm a 44 yr old female. I've had OCD since I was seven. It started when I went to a funeral of the next door neighbor, he was 14. I only thought old people died and when my father tried to explain that you can die at any age I flipped out. I thought I was next. Growing up was not pretty, back in the late 70's & 80's you couldn't talk about it. I was properly diagnosed when I was in my 20's, after a co-worker was killed in a car accident. I spent 8 years in therapy, and learned many tools to control my thoughts but sometimes you need a refresher. I've been unemployed for 16 months now and I've lost count after 50 resumes. Six years ago I had a friend who became disabled in a car accident. He fought the system so hard to get SSI the day they found out he won, he died from a massive heart attack, he was 44. My mind is thinking since I'm not working, I'm going to be next. It's a nasty cycle. My heart palpitation have made this month hell. I'm on meds for them, and for the OCD. I've cried alot today which as helped, called my youngest sister (she's my support). She told me to find a group online cause I'm not alone and my head isn't the only one in the world that thinks this way. Am I in the right group? Does anyone out there know what I'm going through?
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