I have off the charts ocd which became so intense after I had my first child almost 8 years ago now. I have pretty severe hypochondria too-and that got bad 15 years ago when i was diagnosed with MS-which is a real disease I actually do have-and when diagnosed, my hypochondria went way off the charts too. Now I am always having intrusive thoughts of death. I am so afraid of it. I have these hopeless, despairing, fearful, panic attacks and feel like I am loosing my mind completely. Its like the thoughts and fears just overwhelm me and all i can see is the horror of death-and then i obsess on whatever disease I may think I am dying of at that moment-because there is always something-and it just paralyzes me. I have these 3 little kids that I adore-and loving them so much actually seems to make all of this worse-because I sit here and obsess over how horrible their lives would be without me in it-and it just goes on and on..I make endless trips to doctors and I can let the worry over a particular disease go until they tell me its okay-and sometimes that doesnt work. But I think its more of an ocd thing than hypochondria-I have the intrusive "you are gonna die" thoughts and that goes on until I perform sometype of act to make it stop. - I guess I just want to know if anyone else out there has these feelings and scary thoughts?, and if you have children, did that make it worse?and what can I do about it? I mean, I am so terrified of death-and it will happen one day-I think if I ever got a really bad diagnosis I could not take it at all. And I do have MS-but for some reason-it doesnt scare me unless it affects my eyes-then it bothers me. Am I completely insane? I feel insane. I feel like a fake too. I make people think I am normal but I am not. Anybody else out there like me???Am I the only one???Thanks for your time.....Ellen (aka:Blind Tiger)
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