When I was 18 (I am 23 now) I was in a bad relationship w/this guy Steve. About 3 months into it, I cheated w/a guy named Josh. That night Steve, me, and Josh's g/f Amanda slept over Josh's house ... Amanda went home in the middle of the night, and the 3 of us actually shared a bed, because there was only one ... and a couch. Josh was sleeping naked and I didn't want to sleep next to him, but my b/f (at that time) didn't want to either so he told me to. Needless to say the next morning when my ex b/f was still sleeping, Josh made moves on me and I didn't stop him. We did not have sex or oral sex, but everything else we did do. I cheated because I liked this other guy(even though he was a jerk and cheated on his g/f all the time) and he was a HUGE flirt ... and I was in a very tempting situation. The next day, I had a hard time telling the whole truth right away because my previous b/f was a very angry and unstable person (punched walls all the time, got bent out of proportion if I even won a game of cards, stuff like that) ... and when I told him even a little he pulled his knife out and jumped in the car to go find Josh ... Josh lied of course, and I was freaked out, so I lied too, making it seem less that it was ... so, the truth telling ended up dragging on over the next year, with me crying every day ... Steve wanted the truth but he refused to believe it when I told him because he couldnt handle it ... he called me names and got mad at me if I ever got too onto making out with him or anything ... like it was gross that I could get so turned on or something. He would ask me questions about what happened every single day and would get so mad no matter what I said ... and he had me reenact what happened for him many times, asking about how many seconds each thing lasted, as if I could remember! ... my guilt became progressively worse. I think I always had OCD about telling the truth, no doubt. This just blew it up to a level that became nearly intolerable. It got to the point where I would say for him to just break up with me but he wouldn't do it. He "needed" me, he would cry all the time and bang on the wall at 3 am (I slept in his sister's room, he lived with his parents) for me to come in and tell him "good things." Every day he would bring me in his room and corner me and interrogate me ... and he wouldn't let me leave sometimes so long I would yell and bang on the wall so his mom or dad would come and he would let me go and pretend like he had done nothing. He would quietly interrogate me even with people around, being SO rude, like it couldn't wait until we were in private. Then he started cutting himself and showing me, telling me it was my fault. He wouldn't let me get a job. During all this time I started confessing more and more things. Every little thought ... if I thought his friend was cute I felt guilty and confessed ... if I liked talking to his one of his friends I felt guilty and confessed ... if I tweezed or shaved anything I felt guilty and confessed, if I talked to anyone at all about my feelings regarding the situation I felt guilty and confessed ... and he would get mad at all of these things so it only got worse ... and I would always "remember" something from the time I cheated that I would just HAVE to tell him ... i tried to break up with him 2 times ... he had his sister call me crying, and i went back ... after about a year of this on and on screaming and yelling and guilt and anxiety and emotional abuse ... he stopped showering every day, wouldnt brush his teeth, stopped working out ... cried and freaked out when I tried to get a job ... his parents couldnt afford to have me live there anymore for free so he just up and left, convinced that we could stay at a friend's house and get at job together at the same place within a week or two, like that would ever happen. we slept in a car. we stayed up all night ... by the 3rd day I couldnt take it anymore. we were standing outside his firend's house and he wouldnt let me call home to have someone pick me up ... i tried to call and he took the phone and started crying ... i just bolted. i ran down the street and hid in a cvs ... i waited and then called his dad on a pay phone telling him he should come get his son ... then i called my cousin to come get me ... and i havent seen him in person since. about a year ago i almost made a huge mistake, thinking he had changed. thank GOD i didnt go through with it. after talking to him on the phone i could tell he would always be the same. so i know that was a long story (sorry!!!) but that is what made me ocd soooo bad.
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