Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
i can admit it now. yes. i am obsessed over my g/f and connecting with her and feeling reassured that she's still "just mine". (gee, that sounds a lot like how i was when we were together. now i am just much more intense about it. hmmm.)
i am definitely obsessing. i don't know how to stop. i'm not sleeping, not doing things that bring me pleasure: my studies, my cats, the beach.... i spend hours writing, sending her emails, etc...
i wish i were a jeanie and could blink myself to another city. i'm thinking of moving a lot but unfortunately, finding an affordable place in los angeles is virtually impossible. i have a great rent deal right now... a good couple hundred less than what's out there...!
i have these deep wounds of not feeling important enough. i have such a longing to be put first, before others in my g/f life... of course, i'm sure she'd say she has done just that... and sadly, what's compassionate to her doesn't meet my particular need for compassion and feeling important... different needs, different definitions... all conflicting.
or are they really in conflict? i often see it as a yin yang dynamic... classic intimacy challenges... the very thing that person #1 needs is the very thing that is so hard for that person #2 to give...! and it's the very place where person #2 could use some stretching and evolving in...
and, i've never tho't of this angle but i think it's probably also the very place where person #1 needs to accept/grieve that they're never going to get what they truly need. the opportunity for that was in childhood from caregivers... that window has opened and shut. now it's up to me to give to me and appreciate any gift that another may be able to also offer in meeting the need, healing that particular wound...
ain't love grand!
i know i need to do my own work to make myself important to myself. can't keep waiting for someone else... it's been 44 years in the waiting... i think it's just about time to accept and realize my journey is about me giving to me what i need. there is a lot of grief in that for me. painful grief, albeit healthy.
i've tho't about the possibility of being used... at least until she finds a place... wondering if she's just being nice now... cuz she needs me... but i really think that that is my habit of negative thinking. she is a good person with a lot of integrity. conscious, kind, aware, etc.
she made it clear to me that she is not starting anything with anyone for a good year. if she starts something with this person then i'll lose all respect for her.
my priority right now is to treat her with the respect and kindness i didn't four months ago. i hesitiate to put any ultimatums. i had told her that i wanted her stuff out before the end of the year.
after my realization and awakening over my rageful behavior, i've backed off on that. i'm in the process of reviewing the boundaries i had set prior and what i want to do now. i know i need to be careful to not do things out of guilt or a sense that i owe her.
it's hard for me to know what is my gut instinct and what is my programming... my never-ending question: what is my wisdom and what is self-sabotage...?
thank you for reading all the way to here... ;) "
i am definitely obsessing. i don't know how to stop. i'm not sleeping, not doing things that bring me pleasure: my studies, my cats, the beach.... i spend hours writing, sending her emails, etc...
i wish i were a jeanie and could blink myself to another city. i'm thinking of moving a lot but unfortunately, finding an affordable place in los angeles is virtually impossible. i have a great rent deal right now... a good couple hundred less than what's out there...!
i have these deep wounds of not feeling important enough. i have such a longing to be put first, before others in my g/f life... of course, i'm sure she'd say she has done just that... and sadly, what's compassionate to her doesn't meet my particular need for compassion and feeling important... different needs, different definitions... all conflicting.
or are they really in conflict? i often see it as a yin yang dynamic... classic intimacy challenges... the very thing that person #1 needs is the very thing that is so hard for that person #2 to give...! and it's the very place where person #2 could use some stretching and evolving in...
and, i've never tho't of this angle but i think it's probably also the very place where person #1 needs to accept/grieve that they're never going to get what they truly need. the opportunity for that was in childhood from caregivers... that window has opened and shut. now it's up to me to give to me and appreciate any gift that another may be able to also offer in meeting the need, healing that particular wound...
ain't love grand!
i know i need to do my own work to make myself important to myself. can't keep waiting for someone else... it's been 44 years in the waiting... i think it's just about time to accept and realize my journey is about me giving to me what i need. there is a lot of grief in that for me. painful grief, albeit healthy.
i've tho't about the possibility of being used... at least until she finds a place... wondering if she's just being nice now... cuz she needs me... but i really think that that is my habit of negative thinking. she is a good person with a lot of integrity. conscious, kind, aware, etc.
she made it clear to me that she is not starting anything with anyone for a good year. if she starts something with this person then i'll lose all respect for her.
my priority right now is to treat her with the respect and kindness i didn't four months ago. i hesitiate to put any ultimatums. i had told her that i wanted her stuff out before the end of the year.
after my realization and awakening over my rageful behavior, i've backed off on that. i'm in the process of reviewing the boundaries i had set prior and what i want to do now. i know i need to be careful to not do things out of guilt or a sense that i owe her.
it's hard for me to know what is my gut instinct and what is my programming... my never-ending question: what is my wisdom and what is self-sabotage...?
thank you for reading all the way to here... ;) "
deleted_user
You are definitely obsessing over this! That's a lot to take in and follow. So you and your gf are broken up but still in communication and thinking...maybe we can work it out and maybe not? But you email her all the time and talk to her. Wow, that kind of are we or are we not relationship can be confusing for the healthiest brain. For yours...Mmmmm. Gotta wonder. You've really set yourself up for self sabotage here. You know what you need, but giving it yourself is another story and is the great struggle of this life sometimes. Be good to yourself and you will be good to her too and then you'll know for sure, won't you. How to go about doing that may be best taken up with a counselor at this point. Good luck. You're in my prayers!
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
