Very inappropriate thoughts and some "not caring what happens to him" thoughts ... I feel guilty and I am almost too ashamed to even mention some of them on this message board ... I do care what happens to him, but I think maybe I get so worried and anxious about things like fear of SIDS, that it would drive me insane to "care" as much as I do, because I just obsess about it ... so I shut down, partially out of exhaustion and depression, too ... I don't know ... and then inappropriate sexual thoughts come into my head, which of course I would never do anything like that at all, ever. But I feel guilty that these things come into my head. And then I feel guilty because sometimes I think other babies are cuter, or that hes not that cute ... which he is adorable ... and I'm sure there are cuter babies, but the idea makes me feel so guilty, and I would never want any baby but him, he is perfect to me, and so cute ... I hate myself.
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