I love my baby more than anything of course ... but I guess I don't quite feel that overwhelming ecstatic feeling that this is the best thing to ever happen to me. Although I'm sure IS the best thing to ever happen to me and he is beautiful and a perfect blessing and I know all that in my head, but I feel guilty that I am maybe having a slight lack of feelings about it? After labor I was just in so much pain that even though I was happy I was just so ... tired and in so much pain ... and now that he is home and 5 days old ... I love him so much ... but I feel bad that I just want him to sleep and sleep because I am so tired and it stresses me out when he cries ... and I feel guilty that I thought "what if we didn't have this baby?" or like, if I knew how hard it was going to be would I still have wanted to get pregnant?" Now don't get me wrong, I would never give him up for anything, he means the world to me ... but I also miss being able to do what I want and sleep when I'm tired ... am I terrible for thinking all these things?! I feel awful! I cried my eyes out for thinking such things!
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