I already know what some of you might say and it might freak me out a little bit, but I just want to get this out and get some relief because I am so stressed. I have been diagnosed in the past with both OCD and depression and right now it's taking its toll on me. I recently had an episode where little things would make me sad, and I somehow rationalized that I was a burden because I was sad all the time and things would just be easier without me and I should just kill myself. But I don't want to die. Even thinking these thoughts terrifies me. I'm so afraid that one day things will get so overwhelming (which things already feel overwhelming) that one day I'll actually do it, and I don't want that. I want to live my life, and I don't want to hurt anyone like my family or friends, but the suffering just feels like so much. I keep giving myself a hard time over and over again of even initially having these thoughts, which I think may be the OCD part of the equation, and it just brings me so much stress. I'm going to talk to my therapist soon, I just took a bunch of tests with her today, but can anyone relate? And I'm freaked out by potential responses because I'm afraid that people will think that I will kill myself and it's almost as if that reinforces the idea of being afraid of myself. It's just very exhausting. Is anyone going through a hard time with this too?
Posts You May Be Interested In