No one would ever guess I have such horrible pain behind my dark brown eyes. I used to wish I was dead everyday. I still have so much pain that is still there. I am constantly reminded of what I tried to do. I tried to kill myself. Three times. I have to live with everyday. On the outside I look so happy and I have a loving family and lots of friends and am smart and pretty. On the inside I have these painful thoughts flowing through my head all day and night. I sometimes rather be stabbed 100 times than go through the pain I feel. Some days are better than others but I know I am just masking the pain with a smile. My boyfriend and family get me through the day. I hate myself a lot of the time. I don't know why I just do. I cry too much. I scream too much. I complain too much. I eat too much. There aren't just negatives but thats all I see. I know behind all this pain there can be light. I just want the day to come where I won't have to obsess about my thoughts anymore and pretend like everything is okay. I want everything to be okay. I want to be the one helping people in pain not be the one in pain. No one would every guess I have such horrible pain behind my dark brown eyes.
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