I have always heard that same pretty face but fat thing.It sucks. (also could be why my sudden serious adult acne freaked me out more than normal..who knew I was so vain? ) Funny thing is tho, when I see other obese people, I don't see them that way. If they are beautiful they are beautiful, period. If I ever learn to see me the way i see others, my whole life will change.

Bingo! So many times, I remember my mom telling me that very thing...usually she was telling me something a friend/relative/acquaintance had commented to her: "She has such a pretty face! Isn't it a SHAME that she's so heavy??" Now for starters, if someone had said that to ME about MY child, I would have pointed out that there's no SHAME involved.... but Mom, bless her heart, thought it would be some sort of weight-loss incentive to me if she passed that comment along.
But yeah... what a back-handed "compliment"!

The 2 most honest people? Old people and kids. I have heard it at work more than once. (I work in a hospital) Finally I said, you know what? I have a medical condition, and I do not choose to be this way. Made that person feel like crap.... and that made me feel good.

That story about the ex... I am sorry. That is harsh. But, he sucks for missing out on what you have to offer.

I'm sorry you over heard that conversation. Pretty hurtful conversation if you ask me. It's okay to have a crush on someone. We all have had crushes. It's just hurtful when you find out things you don't want to know in the first place. I'm really sorry you got your feelings hurt. You hang in there and hold your head up high. There are other fish in the sea. Alot of people like larger women/girls. Believe me you will find someone when the time is right.

At least you found out what he truly thought about you. That is a rare gift to really know what those closest to us really think. I know that right now it hurts to know that your ex crush was really an insensitive, insecure, jerk who never got a chance to see the beautiful person that you are. A lot of people are shallow. Being shallow is a big part of our culture. Why else would all these mega super stars out there feel the pressure of having to look a certain way.
Anyway, you are better off. Even if you were thinner, this individual would have never really been interested in anything other than a superficial relationship...

People said things about me, too... not just the pretty face thing, more like EVERYTHING I ever did had to have a "but she's fat" tagged on to negate my accomplishments... when I graduated college with honors and an outstanding achievement award, I heard "none of that matters, no one will ever hire her, she's too fat." Words like that hurt me and made me mad... inspired me to prove them wrong. In less than 10 years, I more than doubled that persons income... and I did it fat.

As for that boy, around that age guessing maybe in his early 20s? at least sounds like a boy mentality... a lot of boys care too much what their friends say. He may have liked you but wasn't man enough to say so... he might not be so shallow when he grows up. But, any boy or man who lets other people put you down is not worth your time.

AS a guy, I have heard the same thing and it hurts just as much. What really stinks is family that cant accept you. You go out in the world and see the stares, hear those comments, and then come home.... to more!

ive been there heard that what pisses me off is its whats suppose to be on the inside that matters , if everyone thought that way life would be so much better, it also sux that im one that cares what people think of me so im a dumbass. but anyway it hurts to be judged on your body especially when lots of people dont give you a chance to see the real us. oxox

yeah, that has happened to me to. with my mother it was always,
'you're a beautiful girl, why don't you take care of yourself?"She always thinks she's being nice, when she's really being mean. In high school I had this guy who was like my best friend, and I thought I was in love with him,and my friend called me and told me"hey he said your so pretty, and If you lost weight you would be hot." and then she goes" so just lose the weight and I bet he'll go out with you." If it was that easy i wouldn't have been fat in the first place!!!

Don't listen to those people!!! I have gotten that in the past and I just brush it off and say well I guess thank you, but wasn't that kinda a backhanded compliment!!! Sadly I get this with my little boy that is diagnosed with autism wow he is so handsome to bad he has autism. WTF!!!! People need to be told they are rude and I always tell people that yes he is handsome and he does have autism don't feel bad for him he is a beautiful and smart little boy. People are hurtful, just ignore them. Hugs Denise

happened many time. I think that is why I am so shy now and stay home most of the time. for weeks at a time. the one that hurt the most was some thing my husband said to me (I could love you more if you were thin) I some times wonder why he wanted to married me. him saying that to me has made things hard at home.

I know this is easier said than done and I get PLENTY down about this too.. but we have to try not to let other people's ignorance get to the best of us!! If someone doesn't understand what we are going through and makes a judgment anyway about it, then they are stupid and really pieces of garbage if they have no interest in being educated. And believe me, I hear it all the time... the weight is a side issue, I hear it more about my phobia! I am emetophobic (I know ironic!) which means I am terrified of puke. You know how many times I have been told to "get over it because its silly" or "oh no one likes it but sometimes you have to do what you have to do" or my favorite being "you are a selfish mother and wife for not caring for your family when they are sick"... oh that just makes me wanna smack anyone who says that. My husband may have some flaws but he understands how horrible this phobia is for me. He has always been the one to care for the kids if they are sick, he even misses work (any other sickness that doesn't involve puke is not an issue for me, in fact I overcompensate by babying them when they have a cold or if they fall and hurt themselves) so what right do people have to judge me because I have a phobia that cannot be cured! Besides its not so bad that it runs my life to the point it prevents me from doing things. And I also know my kids need socialization so even though I know there is a risk of them catching a stomach bug, I still expose them to other kids and such because its good for them. I am sick of being judged by some idiot that knows nothing about me and the phobia. Go read some good information on something before judging someone, sheesh.

I'm sorry you overheard that cruel conversation. Somehow it still seems OK for people to discriminate against overweight people. Except among the truly ignorant and low-class, you never hear racist or sexist jokes or inappropriate comments, but fat jokes are somehow OK! It's wrong and I just don't get it. BTW - did anyone see the "trivia" question during the Biggest Loser commercial the other night? It said that by 2015, 75% of Americans will be overweight or obese. Maybe by then folks will quit laughing and realize this is a serious health concern. Love to all!

In my family all 7 girls had a title.. Dona the pretty one, Clarice the blond, Lorna the short one, Ellen the dark haired girl.. Lynda the fat one. And then there was the comments about having a great smile, too bad she's fat. God, don't we all have these labels pinned to us early!!! It's sad that so many people never get to know us and find out who we really are! Well, it's their loss.

It really meant something to me to read these replies. I can't explain it, it just does. Thanks, and wow! it's been a few months since I've been on here. I guss to add to this, I'd say though it is the inside that counts- lot's of people just can't seem to see past that.

I could stand in a puddle of a backhanded-complimenter and not even get my feet wet.


anywho, thank you everyone.