Just as an observation...it seems like you feel guilty that you have needs. I say take care of yourself first and you will be in a much better place mentally & physically to be helpful to others.

Also as mothers we have to come to accept that it's okay to be there for our children but we can't always shield them from everything. As caregivers we seem to put off taking care of ourselves resulting in us becoming less available to "be there" for others. We begin to lose the joy of giving and helping and start feeling resentful of how much others want from us when in truth we put them in the position of expecting it.

Sometimes we just need to take a step back, take a deep breath and start taking care of "me". That doesn't make us selfish, it makes us better able to cope with our responsiblities.

Allow yourself the time you need to focus on your issues, decide for yourself the diet plan that fits your eating habits and lifestyle the best, then commit to it as you would commit to helping someone else in need. Also stay active with this site. We're all here to help one another and learn from each other.

Take what may help you personally from what I've written and discard the rest:)

Hi Lyn,

I have to agree with Stephanie. You have to take care of yourself first or you can never fully help anyone else. It is such an awesome step that you have come to this site and are seeking support. Support for yourself is one of the biggest motivators around. We each are on this journey of battling to get the extra pounds off. While each is an individual journey, we do have a lot in common. One of the biggest things I see for all of us is that we are caretakers in so many ways, whether it's kids, aging parents, husbands who are disabled or whatever. We are the ones that everyone expects to be strong and know all the answers.

That is just not the truth. We have compensated for our lack of having all the answers expected of us with food. Food is not the enemy but it cannot be the answer to all of our needs. Part of what I am learning is that I need to put food in it's proper place. It is not my emotional crutch or friend or lover. Food exists to keep us alive. That's it.

That you came to this site, it a GIGANTIC first step. I am so proud of you for reaching out. If you stick with us, you will get to know many folks and together we can get through this. None of us are perfect. We all fail. It is a minute by minute struggle some days! Just be yourself and we will help you through. Good Luck! Sharon

I dont know what kinds of needs your daughter has - if they are VERY demanding maybe you should look into getting help.
Othewise - maybe you can look into enlisting her as your companion / helper...and tell her you NEED her help to be successful.
Basically - doing things to get more healthy is GOOD for HER too - and modeling healthy habits (diet and exersize) and even quitting smoking...will be a good expamle for her. Even if it's difficult and you struggle with it and she sees that - seeing you WORK on somthing difficult is good/important too. Sometimes what is good for us is not easy - it's hard and we struggle and we dont want to do it.
But once it gets started or is done - a lot of times you FEEL better.

Kids are energetic and playful - and physical activity is good for helping with run-away emotions too...
Even if you just pick activities to do together ---- or be involved in (even if you are both in different groups doing it...) a sport or hobby that can be fun and just gets you moving.

I'm a smoker too. I've stopped again - more than 9 months now...
Every time i try to seriously quit - i've lost weight. Because i looked at it as a part of a whole "get healthy" plan - and increasing exersize (or doing it at all...) and paying close attention to what i eat and keeping track and meal-planning and cooking....those things help DISTRACT me from smoking ...so the 2 kind of HELP each other ...in a way.

What works for me with smoking is the patch (any nicotene replacement)...AND at the same time - wellbutrin (which i think has also helped me lose weight).

Even if you dont do a total change - just focusing on a few things at a time that are good for you or go in a positive direction - and focus on the fun of it or what you like.
Like - learn to cook (cooking for yourself helps you limit calories and controle what you eat...and may help you eat better) --- Thats a big one for me. I dont cook much - but even if you do / taking a class to be more creative with it or on cooking more healthy.
Joining a social group activity ...bowling / anything... can be fun / can relieve stress / and its exersize.

It's not big changes - but little changes step by step that you stick to ...thats what really makes a difference long term.
Anyone can be REALLY GOOD for a few weeks - even a few months...and then its over.
If you take a few months to change things for the better in little ways - those changes would more likely stick for years or longer.