I just feel compelled to tell people who are considering surgury my story. I had lapband in December of 05' Prior to surgury I had compulsive binge eating disorder. I had no idea that there was a name for what I was doing to myself. It went beyond just eating my emotions. Every time I binged (which was usually all day every day) I felt disgusted with myself. The guilt over what I had just done was consuming me. I desperatly wanted to lose weight and for the right reasons too. I wanted to end this cycle of obesity I wanted to have my diabetes under control my high blood pressure my high cholesterol and most of all I wanted to be a healthy active mom which is something my wonderful mother was never able to do.Obesity is a disease. I'm not trying to speak for every fat person out there believe me but for me I weighed what i weighed for a reason ya know? Ok my start weight was 225 lbs and I'm 5'7". I now weigh 130 lbs. Went from a 20 to a 6 sounds great doesnt it? you'd think so but I am by no means a success story. After surgury the weight started to come off and for the first time in my life I knew what physical exercise was. I became obsessed. It was so frightening to be feeling all these crazy emotions that noone understood. I would feel this unbelievable pressure to weigh less than i did the last time i saw someone. That's what was expected right? I would excersise compulsively for up to 8 hours a day. very time consuming when you have little ones. I then began to purge. I never even had to gag myself. the band did it for me. I had finally found the answer. That is until my life began to spin out of control so rapidly. After surgury my very disordered eating evovled into an eating disorder. I have since developed bulimia and yes believe it or not anorexia (apparently you dont have to weigh 80 lbs to have it, who knew) I never had good self esteem ever what fat person really does? but now it's crazy when someone says oh you look great you would think this would make me feel great about myself but it just makes me feel worse and it almost hurts if that makes any sense to anyone. I've been told that my mind hasn't caught up with my body yet. But when I look in the mirror I see an obese disgusting woman. I do not see what everyone else sees. It's scary and at the same time when im asked if i regret having had surgury my answer is no. its insane. i dont know maybe im insane. but I hope that all of you out there really think hard and take a good deep look into yourselves while considering surgury. If I had I would have realized that being obese, at least for me, had not only taken over my body but it had taken over my mind. If you do not have a healthy relationship with food, and who the hell does for that matter, Please realise that the decision youre about to make is a huge one. Everyone please take care of yourselves and if anyone ever has any questions please feel free to ask. I've yet to meet anyone else who has not had the most positive experience of thier lives by having had weight loss surgury. If there are any of you out there please let me know im not alone.
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