I absolutely hear you! Having a child was a great remedy for this, if I don't do things with her, she will miss out, and I am n ot going to add that to the list of things i am unhappy about myself over.

Age does help too :-) You reach a point where you think, I care about those I love, not those who are not part of my social group. Mean people btw will find a way to be mean whether you have a weight problem or something else. They are just serving their own feeling of inadequacy.

If your partner did not want to join her/him, they would not ask you to. I personally think from what you have said, that you run more of a risk of upsetting your partner by not supporting/joining them.

Good luck, I wish you the best.

Yes I can certainly identify with you. I have virtually isolated myself from a lot of things in life because I do not like who I am at the moment. It is a struggle everyday and even harder to force myself to exercise because it is painful to do so. However starting out slow and making changes in foods I eat as well as exercise does pay off. Also being able to talk about my frustrations, fears and anger on this site has helped me a great deal and will for you as well.

Start out slow and make a list of things that you want to change this is what is helping me. Good luck and huggsssss to you:)

hi lillismummy, I have to admit I didn't really look at things from my partners point of view when it comes to meeting him from work, your reply really jolted me in a very positive way there which I'm really glad for, I do go out for walks with the baby (who is 13 months old) but I tend to stick to more isolated places... until I wrote here I never realised how big a problem that I actually have, not until I actually read back how I feel and what it's turning me into....

thankyou so much for that, I have a lot to think about and I'm so glad I posted here now

I'm going to suggest NOT having a child as a remedy to make yourself have to go out in public. The thing is, is a child will love you unconditionally; however, if you don't change your habits before you have said child, the child will develop the same bad habits you already have and will possibly suffer a lifetime of feeling like they don't want to be in public either.

I'm new to this website and group and this is one of the first post's I've read. I didn't go to my brother's graduation because of the same feelings you described. I didn't want to get on the plane, didn't want to embarrass my brother. I really only go out to go to work and run errands. I don't have a partner to reassure me or be supportive.
All I can say is I think your feelings are natural. People can be cruel. Try to focus on that positive energy that is coming your way. It is hard, I know, but that is what you need and deserve. Hopefully with time you will see in the mirror what your partner sees.

it feels so good to not be alone on this, at times I've felt like I'm going mad, thanks for all your replies, I feel so much better for knowing that it's not just me and if anyone wants to add me as a buddy they are more than welcome :)

Absolutely! I hate going out in public because I just know everyone else is whispering about me or thinking nasty thoughts. I'm afraid of going to the grocery store because I think people are looking in my cart. If i have a treat they'll think "no wonder she's so fat" and if I have a salad they'll think "I bet she's on a diet". I've yet to go to my hubby's work because I don't want them to look down on him. I hate meeting his friends or family because I'm afraid they're judging him because of me.

oh don't I just know the ordeal of the weekly shop, I always think of that time when I was in Morrisons, was picking up the cake bars that I put in my hubby's lunchbox and this old man looked me up and down and said in a very loud voice, do you really think you need that, I didn't know where to look.. some people can just be so rude at times.. I'm thinking even if they're thinking it.. then they don't need to voice it, there's no need for rudeness....

hlks.. maybe we should set a goal and both go to our hubby's work once and for all, after all as he told me tonight if he was embarrassed by me he wouldn't be with me, and it's the same for your husband too :)

lilmiss i know how you feel. I rode a commuter train today. I've been out of a school environment for a long time but my ride today reminded me just how nervous I used to feel. I think I spent every moment in highschool wondering what all those people were secretly thinking about me. Anyways, this is all just in my head.
If your husband's coworkers are thinking straight they'll realize the two of you are lucky to have each other, you should spend time with your huusband and feel good about doing it

I just joined this web site myself. It took a lot of courage to say what you said. I have over 100 pounds to lose and "YES" I know exactly how you feel because I have also isolated myself and don't even want to go to church. I would love to support you and I know in my heart we can reach our goals together. Thank you for being so honest.

Oh man! I'm so glad that someone else can identify with the same problem I have. I feel the same way. I have such a hard time making myself go to church events, and most of the time I make up an excuse and don't go. I'm divorced and trying to find a new man to love me. The thing is that I only want to be with someone else who is also heavy so that I don't feel so bad about myself. This is a tough requirement for men. They must be stable, love the Lord, be romantic and heavy! That's asking a lot.

Oh ya! My current size does put a damper on my life and activities. Just the ohter weekend a friend of mine let me drive his new corvette. Having never driven one I jumped at the chance, well being 6'4" 340 I could barely get in this thing. The door would barely shut and getting my foot on the clutch was a battle as my leg was crammed against the dash. But dammit I was gonna drive this car if it killed me. Ive been a motorhead all my life and to have the dream of piloting a truly fantastic car smashed by my size really hurt.

OH YES, I AVOID GET TOGETHERS, WEDDINGS, SHOWERS YOU NAME IT. I BLAME MY MS AND TELL THEM I CANNOT WALK GOOD THAT DAY OR WEEK OR MONTH. BUT I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I THINK IT HAS BEEN 10 YEARS SINCE MY HUSBAND AND I WENT OUT FOR DINNER.

it sure makes things a lot easier to bear knowing that so many people can understand how I'm feeling, and now we've been able to share with each other.. I find myself getting really annoyed with myself when I do start to question if I want to face going out and I've been making more of an effort, and I'm starting to realise that while yes we have a weight problem, it is not my problem if other people have a problem with our weight....

christianlady.. thankyou for ur offer of support and ur right we can reach our goals together ;)

traceya... there are so many of us as I'm finding out, one thing I will say to you when it comes to finding a new man, if u don't mind of course and no offence meant, but for someone to truly love us for who we are we need to learn to love ourselves, plz don't be with someone who looks a certain way so that u don't feel so bad about urself.. love urself, the person who deserves to know what a special person you are is out there waiting to find you, and they will when ur ready, it happened to me, plz don't just settle for what u think u deserve, it'll only make u unhappy in the end, u deserve so much more happiness than that xx

seattleloser.. I'm so sorry u felt hurt by what happened, it will get better with time, u will reach ur goal, we all will if we stick together and support each other.

Maggie.. for the moment I've let my hubby take the reigns a bit and not let him let me back out of any dates we're intending, he won't take no for an answer for now, could it maybe worth considering trying something like that urself? it seems to be working for me slowly but surely and making him a lot happier seeing that I'm willing to at least consider going out with him xx

I don't avoid public situations I just somehow manage to keep my self somewhat isolated when I get in them..making sure I have enough space for myself. (Basically, if I have a great deal of space no-one can say they are inconvienced by my huge and hiddeous thighs).

I actually do go swimming and wear a swimsuit, I just cover up the thighs so no-one can look at them :-)

I hate flying! I fit in the seat just fine and don't need an extender, nor do I feel my thighs crawl into anyone elses seat; but it's the look I get from the person who sits in the middle when they get on the plane. Simple solution, book early get the end seat or the window..suck it up and just be; after all if they were a "normal size", as well no-one would have the issue. (That's not ment to be mean..but have you ever notice the people who complain about others size are not exactly small themselves?)

There are ways to make you feel better about yourself when you are in public. Dress to impress, acessorize, do your hair. Not everything should be about weight :-)

Good luck