munchausen by proxy victims of Community Group

This is for the survivors of victimization at the hands of caretakers with munchausen by proxy. Those few who have been identified with the condition never have admitted to it. The disordered person inflicts illness or harm onto their child then seeks help. People whose parent or caretakers subjected them to uneccessary medical treatments and/or harmful substances to induce illness that lead to them being seen as mentally or physically ill, are the "proxy."

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Help for victims of MBP

Hello All.

Quick history: my step-daughter has been a victim of MBP her whole life at the hands of her mother. After a long legal battle, divorce was granted and we were awarded sole full custody of her. In the year she has been in our care, and we have had to overcome the years of alienation she put them through for their father, there has been no need for medical interventions or meds except for ADHD. Awesome! Any contact with Mom is supervised.
It started around 1 years old and went right up to custody change at the age of 13.

My question is, what can I do to help her. There is very little research published on HELPING the victims of MBP. She sees a counsellor weekly, but she isn't really dealing with the MBP directly as Mom has never been officially diagnosed. My step-daughter knows that she is no longer sick, but doesn't really connect or attribute her illnesses to mom making her sick. She has made a comment to me once when we were talking about the fact that she is healthy, that she knew it was all lies, but wouldn't elaborate. So on some level she does get it, but I just don't think she is ready to admit it.

Is counselling the best option to continue with? Should she be pushed in counselling to face this or just stay ready to support her when ever she comes to the realization on her own.

Thanks so much all for reading this. Any help if greatly appreciated.

Replies

Group Foundersks
sks

hello Kirklin, The theme is the child gets attention when sick, not when thriving. to the child, it seems like the caretaker "wants" you to suffer and fail to blossom and be healthy and happy. also that you are just there for that persons needs yet simultaneously may seem that she(he) is sacrificing themselves for you as they take care of you when you are sick. the harm may or may not be evident to you (in my case i thought i was completely the cause of my illnesses and afflictions). so it depends on what awareness the child has, as to what is an appropriate supportive response. that only can be revealed by the person herself as she feels safer, valued for a person in her own right, and that people want her to have a healthy, fulfilled, expressive life. so for the time being, i would say let her be the guide, dont push any issue. ps. i only just saw that you had posted a message today. susan
deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the advice very much. It's such an undocumented thing, which sadly happens much more than people realise.

Can you recommend any good books/links for me to read?

Also, any advice on how to get the mother diagnosed? It cheeses us off to talk to all the doctors once we got custody and hear that they too have question Munchausen, yet they still did nothing to address that and kept pumping that kid full of meds and unnecessary procedures.

Our biggest concern is because the mother isn't diagnosed, that she will get unsupervised contact one day.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hmmm...very interesting Jenny - about being "incurable". Kinda scary actually. We want the kids to have a relationship with their mother, but it needs to be healthy and positive.

I'm in Canada, and she is facing jail time, but more for parental alienation (denied access/contact between father and kids for over 3 yrs) and contempt of court. We are also pushing for a psych evaluation especially if unsupervised contact will ever be a consideration in the eyes of the court (which it is not at this time).

Thanks for the advice with the step-daughter : ) I do lover her. Very much. Even when she makes it hard, I still tell her, and that I'm here for her if she needs.

One thing I'd like to know is if other victims have struggled with lying and stealing...like habitually. Lying about anything and everything and easy things to be caught in. And stealing anything and everything. Including stuff that is of no use nor even knows what it is. The teen has been diagnosed with ADHD but we haven't seen a huge improvement with meds. I read that victims can sometimes exhibit ADHD like behaviours and I can't help but wonder if that is what is going on here, and she is more a product of her environment.
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