Yes, it sounds very familiar, especially the way you described the vison change, the numbness, fatigue, weakness, and dropping things.

At first, before I was offically diagnosed, but when I was pretty sure that I had MS, I was absolutely terrified and close to panic. I went to see my priest, encountered the secretary, and wound up spilling my worries to her. I found out that she has MS (light case) and when Father Wilhelm came into her office, found out his mother also has it. Wow! I was amazed. Both individuals reassured me that MS is not a death sentence, but involves more of a restructing of one's life and priorities. I have actually gained a lot having this disease, believe it or not. The secretary has become a wonderful friend and when people found out, I received so many prayers, cards, and a lot of concern.

I couldn't have kept this worry (initial worry) to myself without going nuts. No, I didn't want my family to worry, but I told them about the possibility. I wound up reassuring them!

I've kept a positive attitude since my initial panic (I was terrified, believe me) and used a lot of humor. I think MS gets 'fed' from fear.

I understand your fear and anxiety! I will pray that you will soon be diagnosed (although it took two months for this to happen for me). I have also read that learning one has MS is a grieving process. I went through this a little, but not a lot. Who knows? Maybe I haven't even accepted it yet!

Did anyone else go through a grieving process? I think it may be hard to know for sure since depression goes hand in hand with this crazy disease.

You WILL be Okay! Really! But do share your worries with others, especially your husband. My hubby went with me for the lumbar puncture and I was really glad. I did all of the other stuff myself and it was so nice not to have to drive when he was with me.

Don't be concerned about an 'online' rant! I think we've all had them!

Take care--be kind to yourself--and rant anytime on this forum that you want. You'll find a huge amount of caring and support here. I am so greatful that I found this site.

Eloise

Eloise wrote a very eloquent reply to your absolutely normal rant, and I second much of what she had to say.

Don't keep the worry and fear from the ones who are closest to you. Not only will it drive you nuts, but chances are, they already know that something is wrong, and are already scared. Broaching the subject of MS gives everyone a chance to begin coping.

MS isn't a death sentence, but it is a "life sentence." Coping with it has made me be absolutely clear about how I use my energy, how I feel about vulnerability, and how I move through unpredictability. It has forced me to realize that I'm much more than my body, and has reminded me to feel ALL of my feelings from rage to deep grief to terror about the future.

MS has encouraged me to be more empathetic to others, and compassionate with myself. It has forced me to reach out and ask for help, and has allowed me to give back to others, especially those who are newly diagnosed. It has reminded me not to take my body for granted, and become an active partner in my own health -- and an advocate for others.

It's not a path I would have chosen for myself, nor one I would wish on anyone, but this journey had also "grown" me into the woman I am -- and am still becoming.

Yes,I think it sounds like it to I have had all of your symptoms and also with ms alot of people have heat sensitivity,I have it.when your body temp. is elevated your symptoms can intensify during the summer I feel like ahostage in my own home I can't handle it and i have not took a hot bath in a long time.Dealing with the stress makes you irritable.Your family maybe could take it better than what you think and that would relieve alot of pressure off of you.My husband suffers from schizo affective disorder which made me very apprehensive about telling him but I did and I am glad I did.I was there for him and now he is there for me it is for better or worse and in sickness or in health.I have 3 children one which is developmentally delayed, plus my husband I have had to go through alot but i have always found the strength to move on And i will not let this beat me. I have relied on the strength of others because it makes it easier,so please never feel like your alone and don't be afraid to tell the ones you love they might suprise you.

wow. you guys are GOOD! and QUICK! thanks for the kind words and the encouragement. i have the most amazing three kids, and a husband who has cheerfully made supper for the last week (after long long days at work) because i just can not stand to do it lately. i fizzle out at night.

i have so very much to be thankful for. MS or not ... I think that most of 'me' is still in here somewhere. instead of being impatient about the things that i miss doing, i think i need to focus more on the blessings all around me. (i knew that ... i think i just forgot to remember .. which happens to me a lot lately too! LOL)

I second everything that these lovely folks have said! 2 weeks before I was diagnosed, I started haveing weekness in my left hand. The doc thought it was because I was top heavy and recomended a breast reduction!! the next week I woke up blind in my right eye. It's scary not knowing, at first I thought I was going crazy!!! MS has made me a stronger person in a way. 2 years ago if my husband had left me I'd be a hotmess. I now am at more peace with myself. I'm even auditioning for my company's first national/regonal artistry team!! What ever happens, there are some great folks on here to help out and support you. I wish you the best!!